What about size?

[fetish101]

That is a fair bit of it. The heavy one will never be the thin ones size. Geniticly it just is not going to happen. It is not fair but that is the fact of life.

I have been heavy all my life. Geneticly I am large but I also have a monky on my back. I like to eat and I eat out of bordome. But even if I did not. I will never be skinny. There is no going back once you are heavy. You can lose wight and be healthy, but but your not going to get to that goal of 6,1 170 male adonis. When you are large things chang to support the wight bones get bigger muscle builds up and so on.

Nothing is impossible. The problem is, you sound like you've convinced yourself of that. If you watch what you eat, exercise every day and burn more calories that you take in, then it will happen. All it takes is true dedication, that's the hard part.

I ride my exercise bike every morning for half an hour and burn 400 calories on it. Then I go and do a 1 hour weight training work out on my home gym and afterwards feel so energised it's unbelievable. Yes the muscles burn, and half way through it I still need to motivate myself to keep going, but 10 minutes after I'm done I feel spectacular. lol I sound like an infomercial.

Anyways, I'd suggest that everyone try it (you don't have to do quite what I suggested above..I worked up to that point) for a month. If you all don't drop at least 15 pounds, then either I'm lying or you were lying to yourself about your dedication.

[James2024]

Fetish your stomach becomes a certain size and then there is a limit to just how small you can become. Not to say exerscise is not a good things its healthy bulids confidence and does cause weight lose. However short of sugery there are limits

[fetish101]

Fetish your stomach becomes a certain size and then there is a limit to just how small you can become. Not to say exerscise is not a good things its healthy bulids confidence and does cause weight lose. However short of sugery there are limits

No, and in fact I had this problem with my stomach wanting more food than was good for me. Using weight watchers philosophy, I ate lower point value foods (points are how weight watchers watches calories/fat etc) and over about a month, my stomach started to want less and less food to keep it happy. In effect, it shrank to fit my needs. Then again, I was only 40 pounds over weight, so it may take more time for someone bigger to do the same thing. But the point is it's possible, I'm evidence of it.

[kittenfemme]

I have the same problem... only from the opposite side of it. I'm too damn skinny. I hate that. I've tried all sorts of things to put on weight. I've run tests (benefits of working in the medical field) to see if I've an off thyroid. I exercise a fair amount. But I've come to accept that I can't keep weight on.

I often worry about assuming certain positions because it will look as though I've no curves whatsoever, or because my ribs show, or my legs are so skinny that they look like twigs and make my knees seem very knobby.

Thankfully, I receive a lot of positive feedback from my lovers. I may scoff and let it roll off my back, as bad duck cliches are want, but it helps a lot. My Mistress compliments me too, and I can't dismiss those or I'll get in BIG trouble.

I think that what it comes down to is something someone else already mentioned in this thread. Those who find me attractive aren't usually after just my body type. There are a plethora of other things that add to just the image that I project (hairstyle, hair color, clothing style, how I walk, how I speak, my smile, my cold eyes, et-cetera), not to mention who I really am. If attraction was only based on body type then I'd be a lonely, lonely girl.

Many men may enjoy the Hollywood stereotype but I prefer the company of other women, and women (myself included) tend to enjoy a lady with curves... a real woman as opposed to someone with a rail-thin, anorexic supermodel silhouette. I typically prefer submissives, Dommes, and lovers in general who do NOT look like they just walked out of a fashion mag.

There are exceptions. My Mistress is one of them. She's absolutely stunning in a mainstream way. But women who look like that and perpetuate the high femme attitude generally turn me off. I usually like a lady who is pretty in a much more conventional, every-day way.

Part of that is because it's just what I like. I can't explain it. I just dig women who aren't stick figures.

Part of it is because I can't stand the "prettiest girl in the room" syndrome... the "I'm going to walk all over everyone and get away with it, not because I'm more powerful, smarter, stronger, or cleverer, but because I'm prettier" way of thinking. Gah.

Above all, either seeing a woman on her knees in submission or a woman standing in front of me while I'm on my knees gives me a clean slate. Outside of any D/s agreement between that woman and myself I know that either she's mine or I'm hers... at least for a time. I can bend her to my will and teach her what I want or have those things done to myself. She either gives power or takes it from me willingly. That's what I consider important in a BDSM context. That's sexy to me.

[Kelli]

Weight is something that effects 99% of the people around the world. It is funny how it is viewed in one culture, can be the complete opposite in another. I know that in places in Europe women with "a few extra pounds" are held in very high regard.



I believe a lot does have to do with self confidence. I have always had "a few extra pounds," but once I approached 200# I thought something has to change. I am 5'10", so it doesn't show as bad, but it's still there. I want to do something about it, but part of me is comfortable with how I look. My bf is a big part of it. He loves me no matter my size. He always tells me how sexy and beautiful I look. Since we started dating, we both put some weight on, and I think it's because we are so in love, it doesn't matter our size. Point is, you have to have confidence in yourself. When we first got together, I didn't have a lot of it. After a few months, I felt so good about myself. I am convinced this is why, at this point, a diet doesn't exactly work. I don't want it enough, b/c a part of me is happy with how I look. Women, you need to look inside, and love you. Be proud of how you look, no matter your size. If you have confidence, your life will change drastically. You might not lose weight, but you will be happier. Also, for those like me who want to lose weight, don't try a diet until you are 100% sure you want this. If even a part of you isn't sure, it's not time yet.


Just my two cents. Just be proud of who you are. I guess this goes for men and women. I know men have issues with weight as well (my bf included).

[scarletakb]

Gosh, so many good answers, and so much support. I guess what I'm really dealing with right now is the "mind game". I look at my situation.

My lover, is married, and I'm married. I guess I feel that it is difficult for a man to find a woman who wants to be with a married man, and who is discrete. Then, add the age factor, and then add the dom/sub factor, and I can just about convince myself that my lover has "slim pickings" out there. I mean, How easy is it for a 40 year old married man, with a child, to find a woman, who also is married, who is discrete, healthy, and is into BDSM? Are there alot of us out there?

I think I see my weight as an issue that he just deals with because it is so difficult for him to find someone to fit the bill.

There is part of me that KNOWS this isn't true. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm intelligent, I'm actually quite classy, I'm funny, and entertaining, and I am a DAMN good lover. Yet, why is it so easy to throw all those good qualities away? and just focus on the weight.

I look at women celebrities who are bigger, like me, and I see them as beautiful. Look at Queen Latifa? She is stunning.. and yet, I'm sure I'm not much bigger than she is. Why can't I see myself as stunning too?

Another point that I wanted to make. When it comes to weight loss, the mistake that most people (including myself) make, is that we see weight loss as being one dimentional. A diet will do the trick, or exercise, or a pill, or surgery. But when it comes down to it, it is SOOOO multi-level. For me, it was a matter of understanding my body (I have a hormonal disorder, that makes it close to impossible to lose, and very easy to gain.. ) finding a healthy diet, that I could live with, and seeing what a difference there was in the way it made me feel. Also, discovering yoga, and learning to honor my body, and be patient with myself. But, it was also alot about letting go of past hurts, addictons, false expectations, and hurtful thoughts.

Now, I'm working on letting go of the negative self image... and I am truly going to take to heart what has been said here.

Anyway.. thank you so much..

[fetish101]

My lover, is married, and I'm married. I guess I feel that it is difficult for a man to find a woman who wants to be with a married man, and who is discrete. Then, add the age factor, and then add the dom/sub factor, and I can just about convince myself that my lover has "slim pickings" out there. I mean, How easy is it for a 40 year old married man, with a child, to find a woman, who also is married, who is discrete, healthy, and is into BDSM? Are there alot of us out there?

I think I see my weight as an issue that he just deals with because it is so difficult for him to find someone to fit the bill.

There is part of me that KNOWS this isn't true. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm intelligent, I'm actually quite classy, I'm funny, and entertaining, and I am a DAMN good lover. Yet, why is it so easy to throw all those good qualities away? and just focus on the weight.

Well hell, I'm 20 and I sure as shit haven't found a lot of 'real life' people that share my own 'fetish's' on issues such as bdsm. Sure, I've met girls who I'm almost positive have submissive qualities (that would go well with me as I'm pretty sure a submissive role would go over like the proverbial 'led zeppelin' for me), but I've either been in a relationship with someone at the time or they have been in one themselves when I realized this.

Although, as of late, I am the leading poster on these forums, I have not had the pleasure of a bdsm relationship. Sure, I've been in situations with women where I say what I want in bed, and they do it, but it's not like it was a domination/submission type situation. "suck my dick", and they do it....not quite the same.

While I don't presume to know what your lover thinks, I would hope it's not that he is with you simply because you share his interest in bdsm and his pickings are slim. I know it is easy to think this way, remember I was 40 lbs over weight myself once too.

All you think about when you see yourself in the mirror is how @#$#ing overweight you are, and how you hate yourself for getting there. It is the easiest way to lose confidence in yourself, and probably the most common.

For me, gaining that confidence back was in making a total, 180 degree change in what I did. I ate differently, I don't drink anymore, and I excersise a hell of a lot more. that change doesn't have to happen so drastically, but for me that's what it took.

Whatever you do to build your confidence, the one universal rule is sticking to it. If you plan on losing even 20 pounds or even a smaller amount, stick to it! Give yourself a reason not to believe your husband/lover is not there simply because their options are slim.

[pussy_cat]

i'm 5.4" and 180 lbs. Of course, i am not playboy material, but that doesn't mean i cant be beautiful. Too many people are following a media ideal. i guess every one's body has a norm. Some are skinnier and some are larger and some in between. No matter how hard they exercise, some peoples bodies just fight hard to stay in the norm. This is true for me. i have 40-f breasts, and thick and muscular limbs. In my opinion, its more important to worry about health concerns than dress size (come on, Marilyn Monroe was size 16). I can run a mile in 7 minutes, so i care less about being size 18, and my Master loves me reguardless.

P.S. Screw all the jerks who say that larger or smaller people are ugly.

[SirRetribution]

It is what it is. Some men love bbw's. I know some doms that would have nothing else. I know other doms that like their women thin like a tooth pick, and others in between. It how you see yourself not how others see you.

[erisv]

scarletakb, like you i've struggled with my weight (still am actually) and something that i don't think anyone's done more then glance over is that you may simply not be built to be skinny. i don't know your body type hun (pardon the informality but i call everyone hun) but i know in my own case that i have broad shoulders, wide hips, an ample chest and a round butt...i will never ever be a size 2, i do not have the bone structure for it. from what you've said you are making great strides in dealing with your weight and it sounds like it will not be a health issue for you. i would say that if you feel better, can do the things you want to do and are not having health issues from your weight then to hell with what anyone else thinks of your body!

this sounds rather trite i know and is much easier said then accepted in ones own mind but there is something really liberating when you can look in a mirror and love every litte ounce of curvy flesh looking back at you without the backdrop of anyone else's approval drifting through your mind.

as for your worries about your Dom having slim pickings let me tell you hun, there are a lot of women (and girls for that matter) who would be discrete and probably more readily available since many wouldn't be married themselves and thus there would be less of a problem on their ends...that said this meand that he wants YOU darling girl. all those good things you pointed out about yourself obviously trip his sensors and i'd be willing to bet that your voloptuous figure does too!

[scarletakb]

I'm actually, kind of a big girl.. pretty big boned, etc. When I was in my very early 20's I competed in pageants... I was in very nice shape... weighed about 130 pounds, and was a size 12. (I'm 5' )... So.. I'm broad shouldered, broad hipped.. big boned all around, but, I had a pretty nice figure.

Just to toot my own horn.. I just lost another 7 pounds. I'm seeing my lover tomorrow for the first time in 2 months, and he will have a hard time recognizing me... I'm looking pretty decent.

I'd like to lose another 65 pounds.. but, frankly, it's probably more realistic for me to lose another 20 or 30... Everyone I know has been commenting about how incredibly skinny I'm getting.. so.. maybe I'm just meant to be a bigger size...