Gosh, so many good answers, and so much support. I guess what I'm really dealing with right now is the "mind game". I look at my situation.

My lover, is married, and I'm married. I guess I feel that it is difficult for a man to find a woman who wants to be with a married man, and who is discrete. Then, add the age factor, and then add the dom/sub factor, and I can just about convince myself that my lover has "slim pickings" out there. I mean, How easy is it for a 40 year old married man, with a child, to find a woman, who also is married, who is discrete, healthy, and is into BDSM? Are there alot of us out there?

I think I see my weight as an issue that he just deals with because it is so difficult for him to find someone to fit the bill.

There is part of me that KNOWS this isn't true. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm intelligent, I'm actually quite classy, I'm funny, and entertaining, and I am a DAMN good lover. Yet, why is it so easy to throw all those good qualities away? and just focus on the weight.

I look at women celebrities who are bigger, like me, and I see them as beautiful. Look at Queen Latifa? She is stunning.. and yet, I'm sure I'm not much bigger than she is. Why can't I see myself as stunning too?

Another point that I wanted to make. When it comes to weight loss, the mistake that most people (including myself) make, is that we see weight loss as being one dimentional. A diet will do the trick, or exercise, or a pill, or surgery. But when it comes down to it, it is SOOOO multi-level. For me, it was a matter of understanding my body (I have a hormonal disorder, that makes it close to impossible to lose, and very easy to gain.. ) finding a healthy diet, that I could live with, and seeing what a difference there was in the way it made me feel. Also, discovering yoga, and learning to honor my body, and be patient with myself. But, it was also alot about letting go of past hurts, addictons, false expectations, and hurtful thoughts.

Now, I'm working on letting go of the negative self image... and I am truly going to take to heart what has been said here.

Anyway.. thank you so much..