What about size?

[fetish101]

My lover, is married, and I'm married. I guess I feel that it is difficult for a man to find a woman who wants to be with a married man, and who is discrete. Then, add the age factor, and then add the dom/sub factor, and I can just about convince myself that my lover has "slim pickings" out there. I mean, How easy is it for a 40 year old married man, with a child, to find a woman, who also is married, who is discrete, healthy, and is into BDSM? Are there alot of us out there?

I think I see my weight as an issue that he just deals with because it is so difficult for him to find someone to fit the bill.

There is part of me that KNOWS this isn't true. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm intelligent, I'm actually quite classy, I'm funny, and entertaining, and I am a DAMN good lover. Yet, why is it so easy to throw all those good qualities away? and just focus on the weight.

Well hell, I'm 20 and I sure as shit haven't found a lot of 'real life' people that share my own 'fetish's' on issues such as bdsm. Sure, I've met girls who I'm almost positive have submissive qualities (that would go well with me as I'm pretty sure a submissive role would go over like the proverbial 'led zeppelin' for me), but I've either been in a relationship with someone at the time or they have been in one themselves when I realized this.

Although, as of late, I am the leading poster on these forums, I have not had the pleasure of a bdsm relationship. Sure, I've been in situations with women where I say what I want in bed, and they do it, but it's not like it was a domination/submission type situation. "suck my dick", and they do it....not quite the same.

While I don't presume to know what your lover thinks, I would hope it's not that he is with you simply because you share his interest in bdsm and his pickings are slim. I know it is easy to think this way, remember I was 40 lbs over weight myself once too.

All you think about when you see yourself in the mirror is how @#$#ing overweight you are, and how you hate yourself for getting there. It is the easiest way to lose confidence in yourself, and probably the most common.

For me, gaining that confidence back was in making a total, 180 degree change in what I did. I ate differently, I don't drink anymore, and I excersise a hell of a lot more. that change doesn't have to happen so drastically, but for me that's what it took.

Whatever you do to build your confidence, the one universal rule is sticking to it. If you plan on losing even 20 pounds or even a smaller amount, stick to it! Give yourself a reason not to believe your husband/lover is not there simply because their options are slim.

[jaro_99]

Hmm...dunno...little skinny subs are good...but you kinda worry you might break them, y'know?

Being larger not only provides a bigger target but it provides so much more to be bound and waxed and clamped and so on.

The most important thing is what's inside your head - the attitude you take to yourself and especially to submission and to D/s and all the other things that go into that. If a 'Dom' can't pick up on that cerebral stuff and interact with you as a submissive (as opposed to a piece of eye candy) then why would you bother with them anyway.

Have fun.

J

[whippedcream]

Hi all. I just wanted to thank everybody for the wonderful, sane, balanced advice we’re giving people who are struggling with their weight. I spent a year or two frequenting pro-ana and pro-mia message boards in high school (If you don’t know what that is, you’re lucky. Pro-ana and pro-mia boards are for people who choose to continue living with anorexia or bulimia rather than recovering, and they share tips on successful starving and show off pictures of themselves so they can be praised for their stick-thin-ness.) I have big issues with my weight, which objectively I know is silly since I’m 5’7 and just over 150. I can’t get some of their weird-ass advice out of my head, though. Like “don’t eat, and then sit there feeling superior as you watch people stuff food into their mouths to make their fat bodies even fatter.” When I eat, I wonder if maybe there’s some Ana someplace in the restaurant watching me and thinking those thoughts. It’s a real downer, but I’ve found more productive ways like athletics to fight the problems that arise from my passionate love affair with Ben & Jerry.
One of my friends once asked me if subbing wasn’t somehow an unhealthy expression of self-hatred. I think it’s quite the opposite. Unlike those poor girls who think the only way to be worthy is to be starving, here people seem to accept and love their bodies, without being blind to their faults. It’s a great way to be. Thanks again.

[Curtis]

I can’t get some of their weird-ass advice out of my head, though. Like “don’t eat, and then sit there feeling superior as you watch people stuff food into their mouths to make their fat bodies even fatter.” When I eat, I wonder if maybe there’s some Ana someplace in the restaurant watching me and thinking those thoughts. It’s a real downer, but ...

Okay, anorexic (anoretic?) and bulimic people have a mental illness. Why should you care what crazy people think? If a person with bipolar illness was sitting there feeling superior because "I have a plan for hijacking a bus and taking it to Key West and you don't", would that be a downer?

Exercise is a great idea, if you have the discipline for it. Even if you don't lose weight, what you have will distribute itself differently. Research has shown that being in reasonable condition is almost as healthy as being of "normal" weight. And if you get involved in a team sport, who knows who you might meet?