From my perspective, if I were to describe a guy in one of my stories, (and I usually go for my ideal when writing anyway) I try to go realistically. It's going to be someone that I might actually meet, have a chance with.

He's strong, but not obviously so, his skin is soft and if she were to run her fingertips over his arms, the muscles are hinted at but not bulging out in the relaxed state of his arm. His shoulders are broad, but not musclely or boney. There are wisps of dark hair on his chest, a dark trail leading down to a soft tummy that quivers slightly when he laughs. His strong fingers intertwine around her smaller fingers with ease, his warm gaze catches her eyes and she has to smile at him.

It sounds mushy and romantic. It is. There's a reason so many romance novels are sold. Even kinky women want romance. A warm look on his face can easily shift into stern and serious as he shifts into a more dominant mode.