Boundaries.

[babygirlblue]

How do you know when you've been pushed too far?


Last night, I ended up promising the give him a body massage. I started on his right foot and he was reading a book. I was bored and I told him...a few times. He said he had a few more pages so I continued. I just lazily kept on doing it. He seemed perfectly fine with it. A few minutes pass and I start to get more bored even sleepy. I start to complain about it. He gets done with his book. I start working on his leg. I get done with one and start on the other foot. I tell him how bored I am. He just tells me keep on and so I do. I just slow down some more and mock him about behavior modification and how it works. (at the time, it seemed what he may have been doing) It was something to the effect of "You make them do the act then give them the cookie." He replies, "You think this is the carrot? Leg." I just get grumpy and a little irritated. He's never really done something like this. I know we're still learning about it and working on our relationship as a d/s couple. I don't exactly remember how it happens but I ended up stopping. He gave me 10 seconds to find the paddle. I was a little shocked but understood why. I searched and searched not finding it. He gave me the right direction and I handed this big ping pong paddle we use. He scooted over on the bed and told me to bend over. I do so.
"Do you know why I'm doing this?" He beginings. !SWAP!
"Yes." !SWAP!
"Ok. Explain."
I started too but couldn't think of the right word. So I asked him to tell. !SWAP!. He explains about how keeping your word is important !SWAP! and that I don't do it very often. !SWAP! He is making me keep my word. !SWAP! "Do you understand?"
"I understood it when you said." !SWAP!
He seems to reiterrate(sp?) the point with different wording. I'm beginning to get really upset. I don't want to do anything but get him to stop. He continues multiple swaps at this point. I forget the rest that he says but the pain worsens. We're not into S&M hence this is a punishment.
I stand up and back away. "Stop." I grab the paddle from him. He looks at me. "Come here." I turn away from him pratically stomping off. "Come here," he says louder. "No," at this point I'm inside the doorway to 'The Office' (Second Bedroom) tearing up and sitting at the desk getting on the computer pissed off and a little confused. He quickly followed me in. "Stand up," he says gently. I stand up and start to giggle. I still cannot handle crying in front of him."Giggle?" He turns me around and walks me back in the bedroom. "It's better than crying."Once next to the bed, he hugs me and rubs my back.
"My butt hurts."
"Get on the bed," he says bemused.
I kneel on the bed away from him and he lays down. "How you want me?" I'm trying to stop myself crying but the tears continue to slowly come. "Come 'ere." He pats next to him on the bed. I lay myself against him with my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around my head and the other around my shoulders rubbing my back. I wrapped my one free arm around his back. My crying worsens some and I start to shake. He kisses me on the cheek. "Do you understand why I did this?"
"I understood why you did it the first time you said it," I replied strained against his neck through tears. I just started crying a little harder and he remained silent through it just holding me and rubbing my back. Once I called me down, he explained.
"You don't keep your promises. You say you'll do something but you don't do it."
"I know," I say quietly ashamed. I do try though.
"I love you," he says and pecks me on the lips. This action goes on for several more minutes as he further explains about our relationship and me.
"Do you know why you reacted that way?" He questioned concerned.
"No." I laid there thinking of why it occured. It had been like something broke in my head and I couldn't let it continue.
He said something else, but I was deep in thought and didn't catch it.
"Boundaries. You went too far."
"If I had gone too far, you would have closed the door and locked it."
I smiled and nodded in agreement.
"Wouldn't you think I'm supposed to push your boundaries? Giving you everything you want in a relationship, I wouldn't be a very good Dom."
I nodded in agreement there too. "I'm glad you know me so well."

We laid there for quiet sometime and was amazed at how red my bottom had gotten from just sharp taps. I had a very red bottom that was quite smarting.


Have you ever had your boundaries pushed to the point of a sudden reaction or something similar?

[Talia]

yep...once I got so frustrated with Master, when finished with what we were doing I went to the bathroom, locked the door and got in the shower, and started crying. I could hear Master on the other side of the door, knocking and firmly telling me to open the door. I told him straight out...NO! He demanded a few more times that I open the door, not really wanting to I went and unlocked the door..but left it closed and got back in the shower. Once he realized the door was now unlocked he came in and opened the shower and noticed I was crying. You could tell the change in him, when he knew I was crying from something he did. I didn't want to tell him at first, but I soon did, he just held me said he understood and stopped doing what I asked him to stop doing.

[babygirlblue]

Talia:
Did you think what Master did was wrong or just too much? We're you angry, sad, ashamed? I hope you don't mind me asking. I'm just trying to figure out how I was feeling myself.

I look back and realize there was no anger directed at him, just his actions.

[lily27]

babygirlblue, I think we have all been in situations where we have acted quickly, or out of character.

I think what you need to figure out is why you reacted that way. Was the paddling breaking a pre-arranged limit? Did he scare you? Or were you just rebelling against the punishment?

I tend to have a rather fiesty spirit, and there are times that it is difficult for me to submit and accept a punishment. However, I recognize that He always has my best interests in mind (even though it may not seem like it at the time), and we talk it through.

Nobody can tell you if what happened was "wrong" other than yourself. BDSM, by its very nature, creates a very intense dynamic between the two people involved. And every couple is different than the next.

To me, the absolutely most important thing in a D/s relationship is communication. When I have confusing or troubling feelings, I find it best to talk to Him directly. It's not always easy, but as your Dom he should be there to support you and help you grow in your submission.

Hope this helps.

-lily

[Talia]

ummm thank you lily for jumping in and saving me from having to explain too much of a situation I didn't want to explain.

As Lily said..what or why I acted the way did doesn't really matter. What mattered was that Master and I were able to talk about it and improve on a situation. Were either of us was wrong...I'm not saying that. Was he right..not saying that..Was I right.. not saying that either. But yes..everyone acts out to certain situations uncharacteristically. I had, but Master and I worked that out. One thing I love most about Master is that I am able to talk with him openly about anything. He's very special that way...never have I been able to open up as I have with Master.

Anyway...I hope you and your Master are able to understand the root of the situation...Good luck

Talia

[Hime]

Do you have a safeword? It sounds like this may have been a good time to use it. If you feel that upset and aren't enjoying yourself at all, I think you have a right to say so, especially since you said you two are currently "exploring" D/s and not too hardcore at this point.

[janine80]

I agree you need a safe word, i think we all have been in some what same situation. But you must allways communicate with your patner that there is pleasure pain and pain which you don't like (unless you like it all) your master needs to know your boundries.Because for a Dom and i know i am one ... once your in the element of giving out pain you sometimes forget the boundries of the sub and can cross it. But if you have a safe word then it shall all be fine.