I must admit that I find this topic most fascinating. Particularly as I'm going the "other direction." I learned BDSM in real-life and am only now exploring what is out there on the Internet. More and more people are connecting and "hooking up" over the Internet. This is as true of the SM commnity as any other.

On the positive side, the Internet has become more like a personal library resource for novice BDSMers. It gives them a place to find out infomation. I meet them in many places (especially as I venture further afield). And I have to admit, as an anonymous, discrete means of learning (and diseminating) information, the 'Net is excellent.

What disturbs me somewhat, and I think this is part of the point Tourguide was making, is the ASSUMPTION that some (I'm not saying all) individuals playing in the cyber format make that what they do and say and how they act carries over to real-life. An experienced cyber-Dominant does not an experienced real-time Dominant make. They talk about floggers and whips in the same breath...*shaking head* Let me just say, there is a world of difference in the intensity levels of a flogger and a bullwhip that has nothing to do with the weilder.

In addition, in the cyber format it is "easy" (now this is distinctly opinion) to be a Dominant or submissive. I'm typing, I can take the time to phrase things carefully; I can serve beautifully and I am graceful and wonderfully submissive. *small smile* In reality, I'm a quick-tempered, quick-mouthed lawyer-to-be who is blind and in a multi-year contract to a Domme (3 years down, 3 to go). She has had infinite patience as we work out the kinks (pun intended) in our relationship.

It is not "natural" or "easy" to come home from a long day at work and class and then serve "willingly and joyfully." *grins* Everyone can have an off day. The computer gives a false sense of intimacy, and a false sense of what is "truth." We're pouring our hearts out to someone who we can't necessarily be sure actually cares (we're missing body language, tonal inflection, eye contact etc.) On the Internet, we are all at our best and try to put the best of ourself forwards, sometimes forgetting the rest of the package.

And of course, as mentioned by another forum member, there are those who choose to never go real-time which I'm afraid I truly don't understand, because, in effect, what they are doing is then completely illusory. And so cyber-kink is a "separate" genre? And what does that mean that those of us who DO participate in RL need to take special care to differentiate that we are "real-time?"

Which takes me back to one of Tourguide's statements: "...unless the people that do know what they are doing don't start lending their real life knowledge to those that are not fortunate enough to have one, then the future does not look great."

Does that statement mean then that you believe that those who ARE cyber are more than likely NOT knowledgeable out of ignorance or newness rather than simply DECIDING to live as cyber?

And if the former is true, how can an experienced RL Dominant or submissive compare with an "experienced" Cyber-Dominant when trying to "teach" over the Internet?

*small smile* Wow. That got me thinking a lot more than I expected. Excellent topic. Thank you.

Respectfully,
kiya