True.... cybering is not the "real thing". However, for all those who live in places that neither have a bdsm scene nor are friendly or tolerant towards kink, it opens additional perspectives. I agree that there are not a lot of good chatrooms - yahoo and msn chats in particular are often frankly annoying... I don' t care to bother with paysites, nor with the people found in many places who seem to believe that the only bdsm position for women is being a sub. No pun intended, I love and enjoy the subs among my friends, but I choose to top.

Cyber bdsm means I can go beyond the limits of the society I happen to live in - where being bisexual is bad enough, enjoying bdsm makes me a complete deviant. I' m sure many face similar problems. Among my chatfriends and playmates there are several happily married to a vanilla partner - cybering is their chance to find an outlet for their needs without risking their relationship after all efforts to "convert" their partner to bdsm have been futile. And yes, there are the wonderful rare cases of couples finding each other over thousands of miles and continents. I admit these happy ends of cyber-relationships are the exceptions rather than the rules, but I have seen them happen.

Michiko