I cannot say whether it was a genetic thing or just because, I was adopted, so I do not share any of my family's traits. Yet I do look like them, a lot.
My mother was dominant and my father submissive, my sister was submissive, and my brother dominant.

I cannot even remember when I had thoughts pertaining to BDSM, but I do recall wanting to be tied up when making out with boys at a young age. I also recall having very strange and bizarre sexual fantasies involving beatings and being tied up tightly. I even tried some self bondage on myself and found it to be very arousing. How I came to contrive of these thoughts still baffles me. I still wonder as to how I came about feeling this way about sex in general.

My boyfriend has a very dominant personality, but was never dominant in the bedroom. He has basically controlled most things that I have done throughout my life, and I have not regretted that. I am grateful for all of the things he has controlled and advised me to do.
All I can say is that I actually relished the fact that someone controlled my life in a positive way.
However our sex life was never satisfying nor complete.

Having discovered the internet and through trial and error, I discovered that I am a true submissive. I am still as of now discovering my submissive side and learning all of the aspects of it.

Being that my boyfriend is Vanilla, (and I am still not quite sure as to how Vanilla he is) I was sort of devastated that I now came to the realization as to what I wanted and craved, and that it would be a hard road to climb if I wanted to act out these feelings, in a sexual setting.

I still fail to understand why this feeling of submissiveness is so strong and so powerful, at times I am reduced to a puddle of despair. I want so badly to feel and act out these feelings that I would be willing to give up what I have right now.
That being said, this is a very strong powerful feeling which is hard to understand or interpret.

I cannot deny how I feel, nor can I ignore it. I do know though that I have always felt this way, even though I tried to supress it most of my life.
Now only time will tell as to what happens next.