Keeping in touch with Doms/Dommes

[Carmenica Diaz]

I would forbid it.

[fetish101]

forbid it????

come on! If you shared such a close relationship, they're a part of you, like it or not. If you're able to maintain a friendship level relationship, why not??

I'm friends with all my ex girlfriends...albeit not all close friends. None of them are bdsm relationships, granted, but all the same what's the big deal in keeping the friendship?

In my opinion, if a dom, or for that matter any person in a relationship, has a problem with their partner keeping in touch with their past lovers, masters, subs etc, then I would humbly suggest that they do not have full confidence or trust in their partner.

I would suggest that jealousy is borne from an initial lack of trust in a relationship....of course this is just my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt as it were...

[ValKyrie]

I think it would depend on the relationship. If there seemed to be any potential for this previous Dominant to interfere with My training of and My relationship with My subbie, I would forbid contact.


My view has nothing to do with lack of confidence in My sub, rather, it would be a lack of confidence in the previous lover.

Now, if this person were someone I knew and trusted, that might be different or if they were simply play partners.

[pagan switch]

Well, I understand the urge to stay in contact with past play partners, but as a part-time domme, I also understand the need to feel like your sub is yours (unless you have some other arrangement). I think the best thing to do would be for all involved to be in equal contact with said past partners, not just the person who was formerly the sub. Could be informitive for the current dom/me too.

Naturally, that's just what worked for us. May not be the best thing for every couple. YMMV

[Finding_Fantasy]

I can't speak from the dominant side, but I can do so from the submissive side.

I would definitely have a problem with a dominant telling me who I could or could not associate with regardless of my past relationship with them. I would hope that my dominant would have enough trust in me to know that I would keep my relationship with them on a strictly platonic level. I would also hope that he would also be secure enough as well.

Personally, I think it is very wrong to forbid anyone contact with another person because we need other people to socialize with, to talk to, and just plain old have around other than our present partners. Granted, I am not really friends with any of my past boyfriends but that is because all of them ended badly.

If my dominant asked me, not ordered me, not to see someone, and gave me a dmaned good reason for it, then I would consider it. But I would rebel at being ordered...or forbidden as it has been put... to see them.

[GaryWilcox]

Personally, I think it is very wrong to forbid anyone contact with another person because we need other people to socialize with, to talk to, and just plain old have around other than our present partners. Granted, I am not really friends with any of my past boyfriends but that is because all of them ended badly.

I totally agree with this.

But!

This is a bit of an impasse. If my sub was constantly bringing up an old dominant and saying, (for example) "Master Bill did it like this", etc., I would definitely listen to that Master Bill guy. After all, only a fool doesn't take good advice.

But continually... I'd be pretty certain that my sub and Master Bill have unfinished business that would be best addressed between the sub and Master Bill. I might even direct her, and drive her to Master Bill's place, and sweetly agree to pack up all of her things and ship them over to Master Bill's.

Hope that adds some perspective. Admittedly, I'm no 24/7 dominant.

[MrJerseyGuy]

As I over analyze...(which I do a lot) I guess I can see both perspectives on this. Noone wants an ex-lover thrown in their face all the time. At the same time, if you are secure in your relationship with your partner...and yes I said partner, not sub, because I'm figuring that this can work both ways, than jealousy should rarely be an issue. I'm assuming jealousy would be the reason for such contact being a problem.

I have the good fortune of being with a great (sexually submissive) girl that I know I don't ever have worry about in the area of "cheating". We were best friends for years before dating and we are very familiar with each others morals in that respect. Its the first relationship I've ever had where I am 100% confident in that area. It's a nice feeling.

In response to the thread...no, I wouldn't have a problem with her having contact with any previous lovers because I trust her implicitly. In my prior relationships I probably would have.

My opinion...in the final analysis it depends on the quality of your relationship. But as I get older I tend to think that if I didn't trust my partner completely, I wouldn't want to be in that relationship anyway.

[slavelucy]

But continually... I'd be pretty certain that my sub and Master Bill have unfinished business that would be best addressed between the sub and Master Bill. I might even direct her, and drive her to Master Bill's place, and sweetly agree to pack up all of her things and ship them over to Master Bill's.

Crikey!! Who is this Master Bill?! What's his phone number?! LOL

Joking aside, i agree with what MrJG said, i think it totally depends on the relationship and in that sense is a completely relative, not absolute decision. In terms of the Master Bill example, clearly in this example everything is not as it should be, and that's not wholly the same as someone wanting to retain platonic contact with an ex, i'd say this was pretty much inherant in what both FF and MrJG said.

Having said all that, i think it's natural to sometimes feel a very small amount of jealousy or anxiety - both very negative words, but i dont mean them in a negative sense...i just mean that i don't think someone would be human if the never ever felt the odd twinge of some of the slightly darker sides of human emotion; the trick being to remind oneself of the secure nature of the relationship and not to let it turn a them into a despotic, manipulative monster.

sl