I am also one of those that didn't know about this when I was younger. For the record, I am a male switch, now 25.

I was always somewhat uncomfortable with the "vanilla" setting but at the time, I dismissed it as simply teenage nerves. In hindsight, I am now quite sure there was more to it than that.

I did not have the internet through most of my teenage years (it seems my family is traditionally "late" to come on board with new technologies), but once I did have access on my own probably around 19 or so, I began some sexual exploration. I began reading stories online, but mostly not BDSM - I still had many misconceptions, having never known an open "Lifestyle" person, and at the time I believed it did not hold interest for me.

I must also state I had virtually no self confidence coming out of my teenage years for a variety of reasons. My self percieved worth was very low.

At any rate, being a young man with a lack of both experience and confidence, I found I was highly attracted at the time to the dynamic of stories about older women taking on younger, less experienced lovers. This appealed to me on several levels at the time. It was that appeal that eventually led me to decide for myself... maybe I could try being a submissive, to an older woman. The real trigger was when I began chatting regularly with one such woman in a chatroom, and we started getting close. She was the first Domme I'd really known. She was a fascinating and highly sexual woman, and I look back on the time we spent together very fondly. I had *a lot* of BDSM misconceptions early on, and frankly I got lucky - I could have easily fallen into more abusive hands. Unlinke some Dommes who seem to make it their business to belittle men, she helped me get over one of my main fears, that somehow showing off submission made me "less" of a male. She helped me pitch that idea out the window. For that I am very grateful as it spared me a great amount of self doubt and confusion. It was her greatest lesson to me.

Shortening this ever-lenthening story up a bit , as time went on, my confidence grew. When I'd started, I simply didn't have the confidence I needed to see the other side of my switch coin, the dominant side. I do firmly believe that a successful dominant requires self belief. Over time, throuhg some healthy submission, I discovered that other side more and more. Eventually I came to embrace that I'd been blessed with the unique gift of being a switch.

As for my view on vanilla, no, I don't think I can go back. Nor do I wish to. I always had the sense back then, that there was something "more" that was just missing. I've now put names to those things that I just thought of as "more" then, and I don't think I will ever give that up.