BDSM & Marital and Emotional Infidelities

[MrJerseyGuy]

You must have an extremely understanding husband jaeangel! I completely understand the urge to persue those fantasies...but the conversation should have happened before the scene, not after. If it were me, I would have kicked you out the door 2 seconds after I caught the master leaving. But then you don't even know me so who am I to judge. I just hope you don't forget the second chance.

The best way to cure cheating is to find yourself on the other side of it. That's what worked for me. At the same time it must be torment to want to play and not be allowed to. I'd be nuts over that!

I hope it works out for you.

[Katmandu]

I think that is BS! Why can't a person have their cake and eat it too? Who wrote all these social rules that have brainwashed people in today's society? Churches?! Think about it, folks. Monogomous and fidelity are words that came about after the Christian revolution 2000 years ago. Let's use our own brains here, and figure out what we truly want to do, how we truly want to live, and just do it!

[MrJerseyGuy]

I think that is BS! Why can't a person have their cake and eat it too? Who wrote all these social rules that have brainwashed people in today's society? Churches?! Think about it, folks. Monogomous and fidelity are words that came about after the Christian revolution 2000 years ago. Let's use our own brains here, and figure out what we truly want to do, how we truly want to live, and just do it!

I thought Woodsman's Game put it pretty nicely, but to respond to katmandu...

I have never agreed with the concept of monogamy. And I agree that it largely came from the religeous concepts of the people who established our society. I think it is an unnatural and antiquated concept. If it were "natural", men wouldn't pop a boner everytime a good looking girl in a skirt walked by. Now with that said <as I clear my throat>...

Like any other healthy red blooded man, I would happily grab every attrative woman I ran into and bend her over and bang her stupid! Given my social life and work, I certainly have the opportunity to do so on a regular basis. The reason I don't is because I love and respect my partner and would never do anything to hurt her (emotionally). I wouldn't hurt her physically either, except that she kind of likes it! I expect the same consideration from her and I get it.

I guess it just depends on how serious your relationship is. In my case, my relationship with her is much more important to me than any other piece of ass. And given the option, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else when I could be spending time with her. I think they call it love or something...

Now I shall jump off my soapbox and go back to looking at my porn

[woodsman'sgame]

If you are a true submissive through and through, then doing what your spouse wants and making him/her happy should be your real goal. Your desires should be secondary to his or hers. True submision involves serving and catering to your spouse. It's not about getting you off and making you happy. It's about making him or her happy. There are a few submissive women in my little rural community in vanilla relationships who just don't realize that they are submissives. The only thing that is missing that would make this submission public is that they usually walk beside their husbands instead of 3 paces behind. <grin>

Now, if what you want is BDSM sex or if you are a Dom/Domme and your spouse is not at all submissive, then the situation is different. A vanilla relationship cannot be satisfactory to you. What to do there? I agree with Mr. Jerseyguy in that infidelity is infidelity. Lying to your partner cannot be good for any relationship. If you are stuck in a vanilla relationship, cyber sex is a safe outlet for these BDSM desires and does not pose a big threat to a marriage, but doing it behind a partner's back is something I would not recommend.

I understand that for some people this lifestyle is so important that having to live outside it would make them very unhappy. If you discover (or as in my case finally give in to and accept) these desires after many years of marriage and your spouse does not go along with them, then you have to choose between your own desires and the happiness of the rest of your family. It all boils down to how selfless you are and/or what your priorities are as well as how strong your need is for BDSM.

I was lucky in that my lifetime partner accepted my desires at this stage in our marriage and is willing to fulfill them. I feel badly for those who aren't so lucky and have to face such difficult choices.


Katmandu, throughout the ages, women who were unfaithful have been killed, maimed, etc. Before Christianity ever existed there were dire consequences for infidelity, but only for women. Men were not expected to be faithful to only one woman until Christianity came along. In many non-Christian and "Christian" societies this double standard still applies. So "just do it" is the thinking that many men have followed all along, but heaven help the woman who just did it!