A question from someone new to this?

[cariad]

Papillon, first of all welcome to forums, it is lovely to have you here with us, and congratulations of your lovely nickname.

I completely go along with what has already been said and just highlight the trigger issue.

A word of caution, abusive relationships leave triggers and we don't always know what they are or when those mental buttons will be pushed. Make sure you and your partner know your mutual concerns...

Ruby

I have been abused in the past, and I believe have dealt with it all.

However not that long ago, I had been taken deep into subspace, and he gave me a particular, very gentle caress. I think it was probably the first time anyone had touched me in exactly that way whilst I was in exactly that position since the abuse stopped, whilst I was in that particular state of mind. Anyway, I quite simply went into panic.

I was terrified as I was hit by all the emotions I had experienced when the abuse had happened, combined with adult realisation of the significance of it. The poor man who was caring for me wondered what on earth had happened and because he had no idea what was going on in my head did not know how to help me. At the time I was bound, struggling in terror trying to escape, and screaming at him to stay away when he touched me in an attempt to untie me.

Now thankfully, it was all resolved by him pulling right back and very slowly talking me out of sub space, agreeing with me how he was going to touch me to untie me, followed by covering me up, making me feel very secure and oodles of tlc.

On one level we laugh about it now, but we can still both feel the power of the emotions which were triggered by such a gentle touch.

Papillion, I have shared that with you, not to put you off, I still play very happily with the same man, and would hate to not have that as part of my life, but just to point out that triggers are very real, and can be very unexpected.

cariad

whoops - as I posted this I noticed that it was in questions for a Mistress, but I will let my post stay, since it is relevant to all colours of relationship.