Online Training - Help a first-timer.

[SirW]

I was thinking of your thoughts on sending her a necklace she can wear in lieu of a collar. I am envisioning it as a kind of training collar, to let her have the feel of something around her neck and see how she does and how that makes her feel. I have bought a small silver herringbone snake necklace (not sure how else to describe it) that sits quite high on the neck (at the base) and is very pretty but with some weight to it so she will know it is there and that she can wear all of the time. Just wondering if you have done this before. I have given real life subs such training collars and thought it would be one of the things that may even have more meaning for an online/distance sub.

Jason

I think that is an excellent idea. I too have sent on-line submissives something to wear that acts as a constant reminder they are "Owned" as I train them. My current submissive (together 5 years and we met and began on-line) tells me I gave her a bracelet to wear as a training "collar". Actually it was a slave bracelet dating from the 10 century that I had found on-line. It was something special that just she and I knew the real meaning, and was effective as a constant reminder to her entering into this special relationship.
Your choice of "collar" sounds perfect for your submissive.
The other thing that also works is a "choker". Many women (whether lifestyle or not) wear these and it is very close to a real collar, without drawing undue attention. I will post a pic here in a couple of days of one that I bought for her this past spring at the St. Louis BDSM conference.
Thanks for your continuous sharing.

BTW, there is a thread under "My BDSM Life" called Help with on-line Punishment (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...1502#post21502). Some interesting ideas if and when you wish to utilize punishment.


SirW

[Garmonbozia]

Well SirW punishment is something i don't have any problems with But also something I do not think that I will need to use very often.

The necklace is quite short and sits very high on the neck, just at the base of the throat, I tried it out with a friend when i was buying it to get the right length, so it does even look like a collar a little. I think she will be quite moved when she receives it.

Which really brings me to the next question. When do you ask an online submissive personal details such as their address. My girl is not a secretive person, and has told me some very personal things already, but she does not even give out her real name over the net (usually) and I was wondering if you can get a sense of when to ask for her address, or if you should simply state you have something for her and when she feels comfortable to send her address.

The other night I had my sub explore her breasts a little. She really has had no contact with them, which does sound funny I know, but she has had almost no sexual experience and even had trouble describing her nipples and breasts to me. She just hadn't thought of them much, they are just there, but she was extremely responsive and quite excited that she had discovered something new and intimate about her body. It was a particularly gratifying experience for me as I feel a slave must know her own body before she can use it to satisfy others. She then admitted to me that she had played with them in the bath to feel that sensation again and I gently admonished her, as I had told her at the last session to stop playing and that there would be plenty of other opportunities to play when I initiated it. She said that she had misunderstood and had thought I meant stop just that time not that she wasn't allowed to play with them. I reassured her that it was ok but no more playing without permission, after all I believe it was really my fault for not being clearer in the first instance. But she was quite upset that she had disobeyed me which is why I feel that punishment may be a rare occasion with this little sub.

Jason

[SirW]

When do you ask an online submissive personal details such as their address. My girl is not a secretive person, and has told me some very personal things already, but she does not even give out her real name over the net (usually) and I was wondering if you can get a sense of when to ask for her address, or if you should simply state you have something for her and when she feels comfortable to send her address.

The short answer is when you both trust enough to be able to do it. I think I have never jumped from on-line only to sending something in the mail. I have always progressed from on-line (chat or IM) to email to phone and then mail address. One way she can protect her privacy if she wishes is to rent a post box at either the post office or one of those places that rents boxes. My friend in Australia did that so I could send her something from time to time. She was mostly worried about somebody other than her getting the post (mail here in the U.S.), so the rental box worked fine. This may work for your sub, especially if she doesn’t live alone. The best thing to do is to tell her you wish to send her something that will further your relationship with her. Ask her what name and address she would like this sent to. I know people that have things sent to a work address too.

The other night I had my sub explore her breasts a little. She really has had no contact with them, which does sound funny I know, but she has had almost no sexual experience and even had trouble describing her nipples and breasts to me. She just hadn't thought of them much, they are just there, but she was extremely responsive and quite excited that she had discovered something new and intimate about her body. It was a particularly gratifying experience for me as I feel a slave must know her own body before she can use it to satisfy others. She then admitted to me that she had played with them in the bath to feel that sensation again and I gently admonished her, as I had told her at the last session to stop playing and that there would be plenty of other opportunities to play when I initiated it. She said that she had misunderstood and had thought I meant stop just that time not that she wasn't allowed to play with them. I reassured her that it was ok but no more playing without permission, after all I believe it was really my fault for not being clearer in the first instance. But she was quite upset that she had disobeyed me which is why I feel that punishment may be a rare occasion with this little sub.

I think you handled this right. Given her inexperienced, you want to thread the fine line between encouraging her to discover and try new things, and to allow you to control the discovery and trying of new things. You may wish to go from light breast play for her pleasure to some nipple pulling, twisting and light clips. My sub’s nipples are very sensitive so I mainly have her pull and twist them when she is also masturbating (by vaginal fingering or clitoral stimulation). I make sure she gets harder and rougher with her nipple play as she gets closer to coming. I like her to experience the balance between intense pleasure and pain. Good exercise to let her experience how the two are really just the same very intense emotional response. Good clips are those plastic clips used to close a package of chips. A pic of that is here (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...=&threadid=252), post #14.
Also, some clothespins are good, if loosened up a bit. I would avoid those black heavy paper clamps, until she can handle some intense pressure. Also, in time you can send her a pair of screw-clamps or the Japanese ones.

Question for you: What kind of activities do you think work good for the sub to do when she is off-line? We don’t always talk every day and she has a lot of responsibilities in her home and professional life. I am looking for something that she can do that will keep her focused on ME for at least part of the day.



SirW

[SirW]

Here is a pic of a choker I had made for my submissive. It is perfect in that it can be worn in everyday (vanilla) situations and she knows the meaning of wearing it. She loves to wear something that I have given her almost all the time. She says it allows ME to always be with her.

SirW

[Garmonbozia]

Well SirW my girl is a student, studying computer science/programming, and so spends a lot of her time indoors at a computer. She gets very excited and becomes extremely focused when I send her on a walk outside to a park and she is buzzed for a long time afterwards. I have also found that giving her a lot of simple tasks throughout the day, many things she may already have done herself, are an excellent way of keeping her duty in mind.

I ask my sub what she is thinking of having for lunch and then tell her exactly what to have. I have also begun choosing what meal she cooks for dinner, from a list of her favourites with one new recipe she must try each week. This not only has her thinking of me while she is eating but I have also given her instructions where she must brush her teeth after every meal. Just another little way to keep her thinking of me while she performs everyday tasks. She is enjoying the structure that these small tasks provide. Just telling her the way I want a task completed, washing the dishes is different from how she normally does them, allows a control and a structure to be placed on her life without her radically changing her lifestyle. I find it is quite powerful to envelope these everyday activities under my sphere of influence.

My sub is finding writing her journal an excellent time for focus on me (she kneels at the foot of her bed with the laptop on the bed). I also find that actually choosing a sub's outfit for the day is an excellent, and very easy, way to have them reminded of you all day. If you know your sub's clothes then you can pick an appropriate outfit for her work day (with a little unusual twist that will keep her thinking of you). Getting an inventory of her wardrobe is also an excellent task for a sub, for so many reasons. I have chosen a skirt for my sub to wear during her housework duties, and at no other time. My sub seems to be craving the structure such things bring and as I said before I find that it is the simple little things that are the most powerful.

Something else I have found really useful is to provide a schedule for her housework chores, and setting down specific times and days for her to complete these tasks. This way I know what she is doing at a certain time and that is something I enjoy as well and after the initial schedule is written it is something that requires no further input.

Jason

[SirW]

I have also found that giving her a lot of simple tasks throughout the day, many things she may already have done herself, are an excellent way of keeping her duty in mind.
My sub is finding writing her journal an excellent time for focus on me (she kneels at the foot of her bed with the laptop on the bed). I also find that actually choosing a sub's outfit for the day is an excellent, and very easy, way to have them reminded of you all day. My sub seems to be craving the structure such things bring and as I said before I find that it is the simple little things that are the most powerful.
Jason

Thanks for sharing these ideas/tasks. I haven't been able to do the amount of control in daily activities with a submissive's on-line training, mostly due to the fact that my current submissive and others in the past, have fairly full and complex lives other than their BDSM interests. But some of the simple things you have mentioned are good ideas to try. I find that my current submissive trainee craves more and more control by ME. So these small ways are good things to try.

Have you done or thought about body modification? Keeping her pubic hair shaved or trimmed a certain way? Nipple jewelry? Restrictive clothing like corsetts? Piercings? Tattoos? Asking her to change her hairstyle? (I have done this in the past, and it is really a powerful way to exert control. I found my submissive had been thinking about changing her hair style for a long time but had kept putting it off. When I told her how she was going to have it cut and styled, to fit my specifications, it was a dream come true for her.)

Also, using butt plugs during the day; a regimen of masturbation, with orgasm denial the aim, vibrators to increases sensitivity of nipples, clit, etc.
I like a submissive to write out fantasies for me. And I read and extend them.I have also sent her pictures of submissive or bondage positions and specific BDSM stories.
Just some thoughts off the top of my head.
Thanks for continuing to share.


Sir W

[Garmonbozia]

Well SirW body modification is something that I won't consider until I can be there with her for it. She has no experience in anything like that. She does not even have her ears pierced so major changes like that are out for the moment. I also only consider modification after I have had a chance to experience everything in it's natural state. Some nipples/breasts look odd and out of place with piercings, others I find are crying out for them. So on that front we will have to wait and see.

Pubic hair - nothing there to style so that is not an option either

As for buttplugs or corsets, well she has NO toys whatsoever. No dildos, nothing. So before any toys can be used she must first buy them or I must send them to her. There is no rush. We have known each other for only a very short time and I am progressing gently.

I did a session of breastplay with her and got her to put a peg over each nipple. She was very confused by the pain/pleasure she felt from that. She is however in love with icecubes now I tried to explain that the pain was good for her to feel and there wasn't anything wrong with enjoying pain but I fear that it was not my best explanation so to reinforce that, and fight off societies stigma, another session very soon is in order I think.

I am thinking about sending her a few pictures, one at a time, and having her describe how they make her feel. I think that is a good idea.

If you have a very busy sub then what I think you need to do is take the activities that she does everyday at home and at work and put a twist no them, or place a restriction on them. This will let her feel your control almost all day long and give her the impression that you are controlling so many aspects of her life. I have no idea what kind of work she does (or do I, I can't remember) but let me know if you like (in a PM?) and we'll see what we can come up with.

Jason