Quote Originally Posted by Mumei View Post
I'm starting this thread to open up discussion of theories of the psychology and psychological origin of this kind of thing. Is it just that "there are different kind of people in the world?" Or are there particular kinds of events or childhoods or whatever that are particularly likely to produce a, shall we say, "BDSM friendly" sort of person? Are there particular personality types drawn to BDSM activities?
Is BDSM born or made LOL

Sorry I'm not making a funny at the questions that's just the first thing that came to mind, the nature/nurture debate. LOL

Firstly I always had BDSM fantasys, before I knew anything about how things worked and pre sexual as you stated. I never saw them as wrong I think until I took on board societies judgements of 'normal' and 'acceptable' and then I began to question.

As for; are there things in life that make you more BDSM friendly, I believe that everything in life affects your outlook and responses to it. At the risk of going off on a Freudian rant I am one of those subs who has a trauma in her past (don't we all as people not just subs) but then I don't think the truma led me to the lifestyle it has however had some interesting impacts on what I want within it and caused some soul searching.

So my mother was a battered wife, femanist who I loved dearly. I wanted to be a Daddy's girl but my dad was not an emotional bloke unless you count teary apologies for black eyes. Now you can have a field day with the psychology of that (I have) and still come to the conclusion that that isn't why I'm a sub, that is why I'm me. As a sub that is the reason why some of my hard limits are very trivial (poking pointing fingers at chest etc)
It is the reason that I could cry when my Dom tells me that he is proud of me (but I do that anyway to everyone else who says that) Because Daddy never said he was proud. It may be why I am eager to please because anyone who has been in that sort of environemt knows that the eggshells are easier to walk on when you are complient.

I had a lot of issues to face which were two fold 1)How my mother would cringe at my 'giving up my power' and letting a man dominate me after women burned their bra's for rights (misunderstanding of the sub role but hey it's funny) but the biggest was 2) the dealing with the fact that I was asking for a man to hurt me - that is a big head fuc* when you live in a fearful childhood.

A can't remember who posted earlier about herself being a sub in the bedroom and otherwise being the strong, independant maybe a touch superior woman - That is me also. The only psychological exlaination I can come up with for why I want to be submissive is this; I had a disabled sister and I had a lot of responsibility as a child, I was always 'the strong one' who could cope and was fine to be left on her own. I held others up and supported my mother emotionally. I have difficulty letting go and not worrying about others, somebody taking control and bondage give me no choice but to allow that to happen.

Is there a personality type for BDSM, I think so, strong, open people who are happy and comfortable with themselves and willing to explore who they are and how they feel. BDSM is not an easy road to travel it takes strength both sides.