Aphrodisiac?

[Mowmow]

Honestly I was reading a bit of what was said about "fiesty" subs being manipulative. Honestly I can categorize myself as fiesty but not manipulative. I don't try to get punished or anything- it's not my intention. I just find it difficult to give up control, whether I want to or not. There's just something that makes it hard to obey but I do want to be better. I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to get a better mindset on it. I mean, I want to make him happy but find it hard to really just give up. I know I probably sound like a "bad" sub. By saying this I am only hoping that one of you might be able to offer me a better outlook than the way I am currently looking at it. Thanks.

-Mowmow

[loonytunes]

Hi Mowmow, i guess the first question has to be is the D/s side of things your kink as well as his/hers? Or is this something that you are trying to go along with to keep someone happy?.
If its not really your cup of tea initialy then submission is much more of a challenge, im sure your partner is very aware of the pleasures ahead if you can adopt the submissive mindset but you may be having trouble "seeing it" as it were, although i must admit taking someone who is not that way inclined naturally and converting them, although much more difficult, is very satisfying..
I had similar issues with my sub but you really do have to try to "let go"..
One way around it to enable you to commit fully to this is to agree to give in to it completely, and agree to keep an open mind, and if you trust your partner try to take the "try anything once" approach, but to enable you to feel comfortable keep a safety net in place that you will submit for a set number of weeks to allow yourself to experience different things a couple of times to see if you grow into them, to experience being set rules to live by and to adjust to the feeling of control, with the safety net in place you may feel more comfortable about trying things out without feeling llike its forever, then after the period you can sit down and say "liked that", "hated that never again" etc..And iron out something more long term that works for both of you....Letting go of the preconceptions and stereotypes that you may have been bought up to expect of a relationship is the key and you hopefully may discover a whole new way of living that feels more comfortable and natural than the old one, hard as it may seem to accept at this point

[Dslave]

Honestly I can categorize myself as fiesty but not manipulative.

You can be fiesty and not manipulative but once you get into the manipulative I believe that really isn't submitting. There is a difference between playful and obstinant. A fiesty sub, to me, is playful, a manipulative sub is much more on the lines of obstinant (trying to hold out, top the Dom and manipulate the situation, refusing to give in or give... or submit) and to me that just isn't being submissive. And I agree with the previous reply, if you are not in the right mindset or it isn't coming naturally maybe it isn't the thing for you. However, being fiesty and playful, not giving in right away maybe but eventually giving in might work for the right partner and does not mean you aren't submissive and could be fun as long as you aren't promising to submit and then not. For instance, alot of subs have rape fantasies and they don't submit at first but they do eventually submit. And, it is the submitting that is important for a submissive so that is usually their main goal even if the scene doesn't begin that way.