raped for being sub?

[Barton]

Safe, Sane, Consensual!!
Now and always.

[Driveslikeagirl]

I hope you're healing emotionally and physically. I'm so sorry this happened to you. NEVER listen to anyone with a "blame the victim" attitude. They are all small-minded, ignorant, and pathetic people.

Take care of yourself, and know that there are others out there who understand what you've been through, and are thinking of you.

[myri_SN]

I hope you're healing emotionally and physically. I'm so sorry this happened to you. NEVER listen to anyone with a "blame the victim" attitude. They are all small-minded, ignorant, and pathetic people.

Take care of yourself, and know that there are others out there who understand what you've been through, and are thinking of you.

well some told me that i would probably have provoked it or wanted to play when meeting him even i said no before meeting

[Driveslikeagirl]

Well, I know this has been said elsewhere plenty of times, but I'll repeat it here:

We as a society LOVE to "blame the victim" of any crime or unfortunate circumstance. By rationalizing to ourselves that bad things happen to people because they either asked for it, or somehow deserved it, gives us the illusion of control. After all (the false reasoning goes), if the victim somehow asked for it or deserved it, then all WE have to do to protect ourselves from something awful happening to US, is to simply not "ask for it".

It is much more psychologically comforting for people to blame the victim, than to admit that they are just as vulnerable to becoming a victim themselves.

But how pathetic is it to find a person like your acquaintance, who would rather further victimize a crime victim with such hurtful words and accusatory behavior, than admit that sometimes bad things happen to good people. I suppose such cruelty and utter self-delusionment is a luxury of someone who has never been a victim of an unfortunate event themselves. Well, lucky them. Inevitably, it will happen to them as well (such is life), and that should put a cork in their ignorant piehole.

Until then, ignore such people, or at least see them for the unfortunate and misguided souls that they are; they have such limited life experience that they can't even muster up an ounce of compassion for a sexual assault victim.

[Pandora's Box]

Myri, you didn't "ask for it". "Asking for it" doesn't include trying to stop him. Just because you were unsuccessful stopping him doesn't mean you were "asking for it" nor that you wanted it. It is not too uncommon for a person who is being violated to cease struggling if it is doing no good. Many times the thought process is along the lines of "if I struggle, they'll hurt me more or I'll get hurt more".

For years in fact, common instructions for women in the event of being raped was to cease struggling so as to decrease the chance of being killed. Now, of course, that teaching has shifted. Especially with the advent and proliferation of AIDS.

But all of that is besides the point. What it comes down to is that you didn't ask for it, you didn't want it. And if anyone says you did... well, simply put, they're wrong and deserve to be publicly ridiculed in the stocks while people throw rotten tomatoes at them.

[slavelucy]

We as a society LOVE to "blame the victim" of any crime or unfortunate circumstance. By rationalizing to ourselves that bad things happen to people because they either asked for it, or somehow deserved it, gives us the illusion of control. After all (the false reasoning goes), if the victim somehow asked for it or deserved it, then all WE have to do to protect ourselves from something awful happening to US, is to simply not "ask for it".

It is much more psychologically comforting for people to blame the victim, than to admit that they are just as vulnerable to becoming a victim themselves.

This is such an interesting and thought provoking post, and one to which i have given some thought since you posted it. Whilst i think you have a point about society loving blaming victims in order to lull themselves into some false sense of security (although i had never thought of it as clearly as that)..i believe it does so in an acknowledged less than perfect world. This is to say that i would like to think that no human being would ever blame someone who had suffered an assault…but what they rather mean or are referring to is a duty of care/responsibility to our own selves in an infinitely nasty world. It’s like these fools who say that if women dress provocatively and flirt with people, that they were ‘asking’ to be raped..this is clearly complete and utter nonsense, no one asks to be raped, if they did, then they’re not raped (and if they didn’t consent to it, then they were raped)…i rather think what they mean though is that they were a ‘target’. Don’t get me wrong, it is nothing short of a disgrace that people who have no respect for others and who don’t feel a flicker of guilt about violating their human rights, essentially dictate how we behave, but sadly, they do. Equally, it is nonsensical and cruel to suggest myri in ANY way ‘asked’ to be assaulted upon asking for someone, in a BDSM chat room, to go to the cinema with her and then, in all innocence, telling him where she lived; but i really do tend to think they are referring, albeit in a clumsy, highly inappropriate way, to a horrible duty of care with which we have been lumbered.

But how pathetic is it to find a person like your acquaintance, who would rather further victimize a crime victim with such hurtful words and accusatory behavior, than admit that sometimes bad things happen to good people. I suppose such cruelty and utter self-delusionment is a luxury of someone who has never been a victim of an unfortunate event themselves.

Unfortunately, i have suffered (I hate the word ‘victim’) such an ‘unfortunate event’, so i don’t speak with absolutely no understanding of the subject. i believe i could have avoided the situation. i do not mean this in some strange ‘i blame myself’ manner, and it annoys the shit out of me that i should even have to modify anything about myself, for fear that someone ‘gets the wrong idea’, he would still likely have done it at some point..just not to me, and not at that time…and basically, that’s the best we can hope for.

i do not want this post to be taken in any way to mean i personally hold myri responsible; hell, i DON’T, she (you!) are not to blame, no one who suffers such an attack is. i am merely trying to draw a distinction between people being cruel enough to ‘blame’ someone in an effort to have a cosy view of the world..and people essentially facing the gritty reality.

Oh, also, anyone who even so much as implies that not fighting back means you ‘asked’ for it..is talking complete crap, plain and simple, be you a submissive or not, it’s nonsense.

Love and hugs to you myri.

sl

[myri_SN]

huggles back, slavelucy

[jaeangel]

I suppose such cruelty and utter self-delusionment is a luxury of someone who has never been a victim of an unfortunate event themselves. Well, lucky them. Inevitably, it will happen to them as well (such is life), and that should put a cork in their ignorant piehole.

One doesn't necessarily have to have been in a similar situation themselves in order to sympathize. Whatever they said, ignore them. You didn't ask for it, and I don't see that you had any way to avoid having it happen. Sometimes stuff happens, and there simply isn't an escape from it. Just be glad you made it out alive.
And oh, you have my utmost respect. After my unfortunate incident occurred, I didn't even tell the doctors at the hospital exactly what happened; I didn't tell anyone until I got married to my huband and I had to explain why I hate being touched or tickled behind the knees. And he still doesn't know who 'the guy' is. I couldn't tell anyone...I repect you for having the courage to speak of it. My hat's off to you!