raped for being sub?

[myri_SN]

Mobius wrote: I think you should still go to the police for at least battery if not Rape. I think you should press charges. I know in the states there are laws to protect the victim. it does not always work. but they are there.

1. it was 14 months ago
2. i live in the uk
3. i cam here as student, just finished studies, back then was still a student, btu now staying here for good

[Driveslikeagirl]

I agree with everything you said, Slavelucy. There are some situations that are less safe than others. For example, there is a statistic out there somewhere (which I'm too lazy to look up before my first cup of coffee) that says that a female's risk of being sexually assaulted increases exponentially after she has an alcoholic beverage. And I'm sure I could dig up a statistic about how a female's risk of sex assault is much higher after dark. But I'm not going to stay inside after dark for the rest of my life. And I'm damn sure not going to stop drinking! It's just that, with age and wisdom, I've learned not to go to fraternity houses to get uproariously drunk like I did in my first years of college.

Besides the above frat example (which was just being stupidly naiive on my part, a glaringly obvious example of a bad judgment call), there are many shades of gray when it comes to what was an unavoidable circumstance, and what (in hindsight) a crime victim may say, "Well, I should have avoided that kind of situation," even though they entered a situation in "good faith".

A fine line between avoiding certain situations that may be unsafe, yet still living your life, meeting new people, and trusting new friends. And the bottom line is, no matter how careful you are, unless you lock yourself in the house, bad things can still happen to anyone.

I also agree with hating the word "victim". I believe Gary Zukav said once that to allow yourself to be thought of as a victim is to allow all of your power to be taken away from you. And "survivor" adds an undercurrent of heroism that, at least for me, I feel is wholly undeserved on my part. I lived through a smattering of "unfortunate circumstances" like we all have to do eventually. For example, I don't consider myself a domestic violence victim OR survivor. It's just something that happened that ended up making me a better person (more understanding to others in similar circumstances, blah blah). Just my own preferences on the use of "victim" and "survivor"; I'm not saying that someone who disagrees is wrong at all. But in my post, I used "victim" just to get my thoughts across without having to over explain myself.

ANYWAY, enough of my tangent. I think M is very brave to share her story as a warning to others. I know that more than a few others will agree with my opinion that it was so scummy of her acquaintance to react to that difficult and personal recount by being so accusatory about it.

[GaryWilcox]

And "survivor" adds an undercurrent of heroism that, at least for me, I feel is wholly undeserved on my part. I lived through a smattering of "unfortunate circumstances" like we all have to do eventually. For example, I don't consider myself a domestic violence victim OR survivor. It's just something that happened that ended up making me a better person (more understanding to others in similar circumstances, blah blah).

I for one have no problem hearing someone call themselves a survivor. If that goes anywhere to building esteem, hallelujah. The reasoning is good here, except that it is heroic to survive something and not to let the scar tissue define you.

You survived your experiences and have not only a healthy self-image, but an incredibly reasonable and sane outlook on it, too.

[allalone46]

thouse that victomise (rape) women almost always use the excuse that thay askked for it. I have hured it. in a prevouse job. It didlt hold water than and still doesn't. And the most insalting thing of it all is than when a person that has been rapped does come forword and reports it thay are taken though a different form of rape by the diffence attorny in cort.In Colarado there was or is a rape trail going on right know, and you can see what can and has happend. Thay put the victom on trial. The laws there are made so as to not do that but some times it doesn't work out that way. There is no set way. It happens. I know that is a lame excuse and I don't like excusess but unfortionatly I can't give you a reason. What happened to you shood never happen to anyone, but it did, and it does. You did move on and yes that is a excuse also, but it is real. And some times reallity stinks. I wish I could say it will get better but I am not going to lie to you. All I can say is that is a pain you will get use to, but never go away. If anyone of your friend herecould tak it away I believe anyone of use would. But we can't. And that stinks to.

[Mobius]

While I will always stand by and say rape is a craim against humanity. And Rape is wrong and all the PC mombo jumbo etc. But the lady in the kobie briant case I am not sure she was raped.
I know the whole "nuts or sluts defence" is fully in use in that trieal. And frankly He was an incredible moron to even considerd sleaping with a stranger.
But I think it might have been consenual. I mean She brings a pair of panties that she was supose to have been raped in.
but it has some one elses DNA. And now she is filing a civel suit against him seaking damages. I think some one burnd the tea.

I think it takes 2 to tango, He is an ediot and she is after some fast money.

Look at it this way:

She is over heard bragging to her friends about the "great sex she just had"

She brings Panties that she was supose to have been raped in to court and it proves that she had sex a short time after she was raped.

Now she proves that she wants the money. by filing a civel suit seaking damages.

Rape is wrong. When any one says no all bets are off.

But you have to addmit if she was realy raped then wouldnt she have been so tamitiese by the event sex would probly be the last thing she would want.

I am not a big fan of millionair basketball player or there highpower lawyrers.

But I think something is fishy here.

[Driveslikeagirl]

First of all, thanks Gary for the kind words.

Now about the Kobe Bryant case...

I try not to be judgmental, but there are a few absolutes in life that I stick to. One of them is that there is nothing scummier than the following dregs of humanity:

Rapists, child molesters, wife beaters (in the bad way, not the *fun* way ), arsonists, anyone who claims to be raped or sexually harassed when they were NOT, and any woman who is pregnant and lies about the father of her baby.

Whether or not the accuser in the Bryant case falls into the above "scumbag roll call", I don't know. The tragic thing is that the whole episode sends a message to rape victims: shut up and go away, or you'll be hunted like a dog.

[myri_SN]

15 months ago when all this happened i was told go to the police that was rape, but i didn't want to tell people what i do in my private life and i didn't think it would change anything that happened. however i did tell several people who were in the same caht than me what had happened so they knew about him. a few months ago when i told my master about it he said i could either still go to the police or if i don't want to i should try and forget about it as things can't be changed anymore. i only started this thread just to see what and if something similar happens more often with people who think they are doms and try to take advantage of people. i class them as bullies.

[Driveslikeagirl]

I don't blame you for being reluctant to go to the police, Myri. I just hope that the jerk who did that to you gets his comeuppance. Karma, street justice, however it happens. Despite evidence to the contrary, deep down I HAVE to believe that people like that get what they deserve eventually. *crosses fingers*

In the meantime, telling someone to move on and get over it (like your master told you) may seem like a helpful thing to say to the person saying it, but it isn't always helpful advice. If only it were that easy, we'd all have less problems in life, wouldn't we? I'm sure what he meant was that you should get your power back from the jerk who did this to you (yes, I read Gary Zukav. ;-) ) "Just get over it" tends to make the person feel like they're overreacting, which is probably not what your master meant. You hang in there.

[myri_SN]

well can't undo it and he thinks gettign upset about it doesn't do much good, only makes me upset and sad.

[Mobius]

Street Justice. Maybe Myri you should get some of your sub-by friends together and invite this jerk over for a little party and then turn the tables on him. Tie him up and fist him in the you don't want to know were. Oh with out any lube either. I bet that would have him looking over his shoulder for quite a while. Buck up you little Luxembourg minx.