raped for being sub?

[Driveslikeagirl]

I agree with everything you said, Slavelucy. There are some situations that are less safe than others. For example, there is a statistic out there somewhere (which I'm too lazy to look up before my first cup of coffee) that says that a female's risk of being sexually assaulted increases exponentially after she has an alcoholic beverage. And I'm sure I could dig up a statistic about how a female's risk of sex assault is much higher after dark. But I'm not going to stay inside after dark for the rest of my life. And I'm damn sure not going to stop drinking! It's just that, with age and wisdom, I've learned not to go to fraternity houses to get uproariously drunk like I did in my first years of college.

Besides the above frat example (which was just being stupidly naiive on my part, a glaringly obvious example of a bad judgment call), there are many shades of gray when it comes to what was an unavoidable circumstance, and what (in hindsight) a crime victim may say, "Well, I should have avoided that kind of situation," even though they entered a situation in "good faith".

A fine line between avoiding certain situations that may be unsafe, yet still living your life, meeting new people, and trusting new friends. And the bottom line is, no matter how careful you are, unless you lock yourself in the house, bad things can still happen to anyone.

I also agree with hating the word "victim". I believe Gary Zukav said once that to allow yourself to be thought of as a victim is to allow all of your power to be taken away from you. And "survivor" adds an undercurrent of heroism that, at least for me, I feel is wholly undeserved on my part. I lived through a smattering of "unfortunate circumstances" like we all have to do eventually. For example, I don't consider myself a domestic violence victim OR survivor. It's just something that happened that ended up making me a better person (more understanding to others in similar circumstances, blah blah). Just my own preferences on the use of "victim" and "survivor"; I'm not saying that someone who disagrees is wrong at all. But in my post, I used "victim" just to get my thoughts across without having to over explain myself.

ANYWAY, enough of my tangent. I think M is very brave to share her story as a warning to others. I know that more than a few others will agree with my opinion that it was so scummy of her acquaintance to react to that difficult and personal recount by being so accusatory about it.

[GaryWilcox]

And "survivor" adds an undercurrent of heroism that, at least for me, I feel is wholly undeserved on my part. I lived through a smattering of "unfortunate circumstances" like we all have to do eventually. For example, I don't consider myself a domestic violence victim OR survivor. It's just something that happened that ended up making me a better person (more understanding to others in similar circumstances, blah blah).

I for one have no problem hearing someone call themselves a survivor. If that goes anywhere to building esteem, hallelujah. The reasoning is good here, except that it is heroic to survive something and not to let the scar tissue define you.

You survived your experiences and have not only a healthy self-image, but an incredibly reasonable and sane outlook on it, too.