I think everyone is on target with their ideas and suggestions. One thing that I have found useful is to actually solicit some suggestions from known readers of the type of prose you are wanting to write. Now, I am by no means and expert on this subject, but it seems to me if I want to figure out what makes something attractive to readers, I ask the readers.

This kind of seques into my next suggestion and that is to write some diffent styles of the descriptions you are working on and post them here. Solicit from really useful critiques from some of the people here. I can almost guarantee that some of them are not only excellent authors, but are also quite qualified as experts in what women want to read in erotica!

Just my two cents