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this one is from Pune, India, 23 sub, sissy,.

Thank you for taking the time ,Goddess.

A friend of mine suggested that I write about my experiences and the
beliefs that have evolved over a lifetime of discovery about my
sexuality. I was reluctant to do this because I look at what I am at
present as just another stop on a journey. Who and what I am now may
change in the future. I certainly have changed from who and what I
was in the past. I began my "alternative lifestyle" as someone who
was primarily a submissive, but who topped others as a way to in turn
be topped. I switched in order to be submissive. I gradually became
primarily a Dominant, who switches to enjoy the best of both worlds.

I know that some would say that a switch is not a true Dom. These are
the purists in this lifestyle. My experience has been that people are
all over the map with this, and there is no right or wrong, no way of
practicing D/s or BDSM that is any better than any other way. The
trick is to find someone with whom you are compatible. Since there
are rarely perfect matches in life, it becomes a process of give and
take, a situation where each person says, "I can adjust for your
needs, if you will adjust for mine." Even those who practice what we
refer to as "vanilla sex," have the same kinds of adjustments to make
with their partners. Communication and adjustment are the key things
all kinds of relationships.

Anyway, my friend suggested that I might have something to say about
alternative love and life. While I am not sure about this, the idea
of recalling some of my experiences has some appeal. I hope that the
reader will bear with me as I tell some stories about things that
have happened to me, while occasionally discussing some of my
opinions about what works best when interacting with others who are
trying to mesh their needs with yours. I hope my recall is accurate
and not too self-serving, but being human and not having a super
memory, I am sure there will be times when facts, names, faces and
times may not be entirely accurate. I also hope that my approach is
appropriately modest and entertaining. If not, I am sure you will
look elsewhere.

Looking back from my childhood I realize, I had "different"
tendencies as early as around age 9, when I became "excited" by
something I read about Indians capturing a pioneer, tying him to a
tree and torturing him. Later, at 14, I was fortunate to find a copy
of "The Kinsey Report" under the couch and spent the summer reading
it. Of course, a 14 year old boy is interested in everything about
sex, but the information about BDSM was particularly interesting and
arousing. I managed to keep seeking and finding things to read about
it at a time when there were not a lot of things being written. It
was also years before the Internet and computers and very difficult
to find others with the same preferences. What little written
material I could find was enough to keep me very interested and
experimenting on myself as I grew up. I used a variety of things with
which to tie myself up and wrap and stimulate my testicles and penis.

As an adult, and being somewhat submissive, I managed to talk a
number of women I dated into letting me tie them up and bring them to
climaxes orally or through intercourse. The motivation was to
eventually get them to return the favor, and a significant number
did. Most of the time, I had vanilla relationships, in which I looked
for every opportunity to work in the bondage aspect. Some
relationships were more successful than others. Early on, I spent two
years in the Army. The year I was in Korea allowed me to pay local
area women to put me in bondage and bring me to climaxes through oral
and manual means.

Over the years, I learned more about the lifestyle and realized that
while I enjoy switching, I prefer being on top. The computer enabled
me to find many others who shared my needs. We all have discovered
that there are many more of us out there than we imagined. It has
allowed many people to discover and experiment with that part of
their sexuality.

Some of my steady subs and I have switched on occasion, but I am the
dominant one in a relationship. Because I have been on the bottom, I
feel I understand what my partner needs and have a better ability to
take her there. I understand what it feels like to be in bondage,
spread-eagle, and to have one's legs stretched to their limits. I
know what it feels like to be flogged and to have nipple clamps
attached and later released. I know what electric stimulation feels
like and how it can add to an orgasm. I know the need to be
controlled, to feel helpless and owned. I also know that people are
all over the map with this, and have different preferences. I accept
that and work with it.

I have also discovered that many subs want to start out easy, but
really desire to have their limits pushed a bit each time they get
together with a Dom. I understand how hard it is to trust someone the
first time with your bound and helpless body... but what a rush it is
while doing it. I do respect all limits and always use safewords and
regularly check on my sub. I use safe words like "green"
for "go", "yellow" for "take it easy" or "slow down", and "red"
for "stop." I have had subs in situations of being in helpless
bondage and telling me "no, no," as the nipple clamps are applied. In
these cases, the word "no" usually was a part of the scene and not
meant to make me stop; however, I usually checked to make sure by
asking, "how are you doing." While the question can distract a sub
and take her out of the scene a bit, I would rather be safe than
sorry by making her use a safeword. As the experts say, "safe, sane
and consensual" all the way.

Well, as they say, enough about me. Perhaps I should share some
stories from my experiences to illustrate my beliefs about what makes
a Dom a good partner. I understand that others my find that they have
better ways of doing things. I can only write about what has worked
for me.

love,
dark0slave. [/IMG]