Hi all
I am not truly a "virgin" member but I haven't really posted much. I am kinda shy but here goes:
I am a sub although it feels strange to write that. I have felt this way a long time but never really knew what to call the feelings I have. When I was about 19 I went over to my boyfriend's apartment at the invitation of his roommate. He told me X would be home after work and than we could all go out into the city. I came over and the roommate was there with a friend. I know this all sounds naive and I was but maybe there was more to this looking back. I waited and we drank and danced and I was genuinely having a good time. It was summer and pretty hot and their fan didn't cut it so I decided to take a bath. I felt pretty comfortable there having stayed over with X many times. Surprise, surprise when the roommate jimmied the lock and came in. I was about to shout when he put his finger over my lips and said ssh "It's okay". He started kissing me grabbing at my tits sucking on them.
I could have done something at this point but didn't. He stripped and got into the tub. He started to fuck me - hard - it was like someone had turned on a switch to give me my voice back. I started crying and screaming for him to stop which of course he didn't until he came inside me. I was hysterical by now but also feeling guilt (after all I didn't really try to stop him in fact when he demanded I lift my leg to allow him to get deeper within in me I complied.)
While i was crying I failed to notice his friend enter the bathroom. Now I screamed louder telling him to get the fuck out! He was a tall physically large guy not fat but imposing and very quick. Before i could react he slapped me a few times very hard drawing a little blood. My screams shrank to whimpers as he fingered me roughly. He fucked me almost brutally with me only softly crying not even pushing him away. I am sure they planned more for me but to their surprise my boyfriend came home much earlier than planned. There's only a bit more to this melodrama so I'll spare you, but needless to say X was furious with me! I had always felt disgusted, ashamed even depressed about this experience. But just under the surface was an undeniable feeling of being turned on being used like a whore by those men. This had exacerbated my self-loathing. Stumbling on to this site and reading the posts and stories, I see myself differently and have some peace of mind.
I understand myself - I am a sub and maybe a bit of a humiliation slut. Sorry if this is too long.