Communication Issues

[annie]

I must admit that my b/f and I do not always effectively communicate what we want and what we need.
I out myself to him, regarding BDSM and D/s, a little at a time.
We discuss very little, and eventually I become frustrated and withdraw from him entirely. I start to create my own little world of self pity, seeing that we are very close to each other, but these issues need to be addressed before the relationship really starts to falter.
He is very aware that I am interested in BDSM, but fails to understand my submisssive needs.

In one frustrating moment, I tried to explain about my submissiveness, and that there are aspects to it, that he needs to understand.
He has tried to do things for me, involving a little bit of play, but also stated that he is nervous about demeaning me somehow.

As TDS said above, most men are taught from early childhood not to hit women, demean them, humiliate them, etc. And are taught that if they do that they are abusers and cruel. Honestly, unless he has the same inclinations as you do the chances of him getting past that are very slim. Something a Friend told me long ago...

"Most men, even though they may fantasize about it, find it hard to sit across the breakfast table in the morning after having beat their spouses ass to black and blue the night before... that is a humiliation point to them. The seeming loss of control."

I know that I have to force the issue in forcing him to communicate.
My biggest fear right now, is that he is complying with my wishes and desires, only because he fears that he will lose me if he does not try to make me happy.
I don't know how I can get him to open up and tell me what he is thinking.
Has anyone had a similar problem, and or adivce as to how I need to proceed so I do not have to worry that he is only going through the motions just to appease me.

Secondly, keep in mind. YOU can openly communicate but there is NO WAY you can force him to do the same... no matter what you may try. And he may be just complying with your wishes to keep you. If that is the case (or at least the suspicion) then you need to decide what you want from the relationship on ALL levels and if he is able to meet enough of those to keep you happy for a lifetime. If he isn't willing to openly discuss this now, even on a limited basis, it won't get better in the future. You can't make some one do or feel something they aren't comfortable with... and sooner or later, if he is just appeasing you, it won't be enough for either of you... and that will hurt the relationship even further... at least from my experience.