I have met a number of people who are involved in D/s who have a history of abuse. I have also met many other people in vanilla relationships with the same history. There are arguements both ways.

My opinion, for what it is worth:

Certainly, our upbringing could impact our desires, but should not dictate them.

By that, BDSM should NEVER be used in as therapy for past issues, issues that need to be dealt with. If you have unresolved issues surrounding the abuse, you need to see a therapist, do for yourself and make yourself healthy and complete before taking the emotional risks attached to humiliation play.

I found your comments regarding the female role models in your life interesting. I want to tell you that D/s should never be about ruining yourself for another. A healthy D/s relationship promotes growth, health, happiness and self efficacy.

So, could your history have anything to do with your current desires? Sure.

Could your history be the prevailing reason for your desires? Possibly. But if so, leave those desires behind and get some support and assistance in recognizing and dealing with whatever emotional scars remain.

Best wishes to you,

Mistress Val