Quote Originally Posted by PopeRozen
Hello people,
There are many debates about "What is a Dom/sub?" I am speaking of general terms and not differentiating between Tops Doms Masters/bottoms subs slaves, so you get the point. Is it a regular person who enjoys kinky sex? Is it someone who seeks to extend their personality into the bedroom and beyond through fetish and leather? Is it someone who seeks spiritual allignment and "freedom" (in the Buddhist, Hinduist sense, from the suffering of the human condition)? Yes, it is all of these, and this is how we get the confusing nomenclature.
So here is I think a relevant question that I have rarely seen addressed: What is the mentality of the Dom and sub? I have met many people who are just in it for fun, and those who seem to be able to relate it at the spiritual level. However, do the Dom and sub share a similar "cosmic inclination?" Do all Doms, or all subs? A sub may enjoy serving, but a Dom may enjoy controlling things so everyone is happy. A sub may have more control over a scene because of limits and preference, but a Dom may be holding the whip. Do you see my point?
Pope.
A Dom is someone who likes being/feeling as though he is in control, yet is willing to trade that at a moment's notice. For example, a true Dom needs to be in control of a scene, needs to care about the sub and observe the sub's limits, and know how and where and when to push those limits. However, if the play does go too far, the Dom needs to know/learn when to stop, how to differentiate between the sub's cries of 'stop' as in, 'I like this, go on' and when 'stop' really means 'stop now, i can't do this anymore!'
A sub is someone who learns to give up control of their body, to trust that the dom will not hurt beyond the sub's capacity to bear, to give even when sometimes the sub doesn't feel like giving. (conversely, the Dom needs to sense when a sub doesn't feel like giving but does it anyway to satisfy the Dom because they love the Dom and want to make the Dom happy, and needs to not take advantage of that willingness.)
Both sides have to love/care, take responsibility for the well being fo the other, and trust each other. There are many D/s relationships out there that don't involve the trust/care/responsibility element, and any D/S relationship that doesn't have those is bordering on abuse. Consensual is a vital part of the relationship, but it isn't everything.
It's not a complete answer, by any means, but it's a start.