I'm a female sub. I love going to Goth clubs and wearing Gothic clothing -- including black leather, corsets, stockings, stompy boots, dramatic eye makeup, etc. I like a lot of Goth music, especially industrial. I am studying the new art form of Gothic belly dance. I like dancing in ways that make my body seem weird and inhuman.

I'm not an unhappy person, though. I think I probably have an anxiety disorder (it has been suggested to me by a counsellor and some friends who have the disorder themselves) but I haven't been formally diagnosed. Mostly I'm happy because I love my dancing and I love my husband/Master, but I do cry a lot (like when I watch a sad TV show or have a fight with someone online) and have panic attacks sometimes.

I don't think that there is a strong correllation between REAL BDSM and clinical depression/anxiety. A lot of people, especially young people, have a phase of thinking that they want to be hurt because they hate themselves for being depressed... but once the depression is cured or treated, they won't want the same things. I do know some people who are both submissive and clinically depressed, but I think that most submissives who stick with it as long as some of the people on this forum have, and who commit themselves to serious BDSM relationships, have mostly worked out whatever issues might be related to their desire to be dominated.

I hope that you find a strong, brave female Domme who helps you to feel better about yourself and gives you a happy place to work toward like my Dom does. I know we subs are screwed by the statistics (10 female subs to 1 male dom, probably worse for the F/m crowd!), but hey, it can happen!