For me it took the prospect of a divorce from the woman I love.It was not easy for my wife to come out with what she needed she would hint around and I never really listened to her.At first I had tons of concerns about the variuos activities being afraid I was going to degrade her and such it took alot of help from her on her part to explain that calling her my little slut was not calling her a slut.I took sometime to rationalize things like that. I can understand his fear of "hurting" you or your feelings.Remember all of our lives we have been programmed to never hit a woman to never be mean to them at all so it takes time.