cadence, I don't think it's selfish of you to need what you need. You are being brave to admit it to yourself and him in the first place. Too often, we keep our desires all bottled up and refuse to even allow the other person in far enough to see if it will work or not. I know I did anyway. You shared the deepest part of yourself with your boyfriend. You're not wrong for wanting this, and although he is missing out with you BIG time, he isn't wrong for not wanting it. You two are just different. The wrong thing, in my little opinion, is to settle for less than you want and need. Doing that will just end up hurting you both even more.

I wish this were easier for you. ~hugs~

tessa