Quote Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
  • Time
  • Attention
  • Love
  • Cares about me
  • Listens to me/Hears me
  • Honesty/Trust
  • Ability to communicate
  • Ability to guide
  • Respect
This doesn't apply only to you, dear, this applies to everyone who has a 'significant other'. Let's look at those one at a time.
Time: A dominant has to make some time out, not only to play with their sub, but also to listen to the sub. Always a biggie. Hubby works, I don't, and i feel like he never has time for me. When he gets home, he eats dinner, and then i do dishes and go to bed. In the morning he messes around with his hobby until it's time to go to work, then gets up, dresses, and goes. Sometimes with the prelude of a quick suck-n-fuck (excuse my crudity, but it doesn't usually take more than a half hour) but involves very little loveplay on me, so I get left feeling dissatisfied. However, he usually makes up for it on his days off.
Attention: If a sub is neglected, they get irritable and discontented, and that's not a good thing to have happen in any relationship. Same thing happens to a wife (i.e., me.) Doms have a responsibility to spend time with their subs, not necessarily 'in' a scene. Just time out, as people, as equals, not as a top or bottom.
Love/Care: A must in any relationship: if there's no trust or care, it's not a relationship, and not worth keeping.
Listens: A person can hear withoout listening. In one ear and out the other, as the saying goes. The Dom needs to listen to the sub, but the sub also needs to listen to the dom.
Honesty: Both sides need to be honest with each other. Being honest will engender trust.
Trust. Both sides need to trust each other.
Communicate: Men aren't really good at sharing their feelings. Not because thy don't want to, though that is true sometimes...but because they can't. Their brains actually don't have the same wiring that women have, the same number of neural pathways from the emotion center of the brain to the speech center of the brain. (At least that's what I saw on Discovery channel one night.) They have fewer neural commections between the above mentioned brain parts. But if they feel very intensely about something, they will talk.
Guide: This is kind of a hazy notion here. One assumes that you know where you're going, know what you're doing, and don't need guidance unless you'te blindfolded and Master is leading you around an unfamiliar room. If, however, you need emotional guidance after a personal tragedy, emotional turmoil, whatever, Master should be there to help. Maybe not as often as the sub would like the dom to be, but still needs to be there nonetheless.
Respect: Dom needs to respect sub, in all forms and facets. Sub, however, also needs to respect Dom's needs, to understnd that while sub wants to be with Dom all the time, it may not alway be possible, or desirable in the long term.
The trick with all this, as with a marriage or a vanilla relationship, is to find out what the other is comfortable with, find out what you are comfrotable with, and then find a compromise that straddles the line. The next time you talk to your Dom, Sit down with him. Explain what you're feeling, what you think, tell him what parts of your life with him you're currently not happy with.Ask him if there is anything the Dom isn' happy about with the current status quo. Then find a compromise. If you can't reach a compromise, it may be time, as mich as you may like/love/care about the Dom, to look for another one. Some people need more emotional/physical contact, some people need a lot less. If you're 'more', and he's 'less', what you want and what he's comfortable with may not be compatible.
And in the end, ask yourself, 'Do I love him enough to make a formerly important point not so important anymore?' Before I met my husband, my number one criteria for a mate was that he make enough money to give me 'stuff', and that he be tall and moderately good looking. Then I met my hubby (who makes $18,000 a year as a department store detective, and has a large 'port-wine' birthmark under his left eye) and once I got acquainted with his personality, the money and the looks issue became a non-issue for me. It didn't really matter anymore, because I love him, and I know he loves me, and while some weeks (like this one) we have to borrow to make our rent, we still love each other to face those obstacles together.
It's not a complete answer, nor an expert one, but I hope it helps.