I don't think anyone is going to mind if I breeze by the off topic discussion and go right back to the actual discussion.

(eb)
And of course there has to be enough time to share and communicate in order to create the type of mutual understanding and trust necessary for gifts of dominance from one partner and submission from the other.
E B, I want to thank you for saying that. It's been hard for me to crystalize that thought in my mind. But this is exactly it. If I'm going to put myself into his hands and my future by his side... I need his time. His time will reassure me.

And it's his time I don't have.

I wish he said all the wrong things instead of all the right ones. I wish it wasn't shear magic when we are together. If it weren't for those... it would be much easier to "cut bait and fish on"... well at least with some healing time in between.

But that's the thing... I want this to work. I don't want to come at him. I want to come to him. With him. But... after so many attempts at trying to talk to him and get my point across... it's now at the point where I need him to come to me. To reassure me.

The really really hard thing about this... is I have a feeling it has become a battle of wills. And that's not at all what this is about. I just need him to come to me so I can have faith in him and how he feels about "us".

Because... if he can't do that... then the pattern is set and it would always be me making the compromise. And that's not how it works. It has to be both of us, Master or not.

Perhaps I'm rambling at this point... but it does feel good to get some of this out.