The Responsibilities of a Dominant/Master

[mythicat]

Darn you people posting while I'm writing my long-ass dissertation! lol
Oh well, apply what still applies and ignore the rest.

He actually may not know. Heh. He should know. It's not like I haven't said enough to put it together. But he actually may not have a clue.



How do I do this? Seriously. I don't know. I have told him my needs... But if I need to do more, then what is a good way to do it? Without me going to him. I don't even know if email is a viable option. He has the time to check it about once or twice a week.



It is his busy season. It is supposed to let up once the rainy and cold season starts. That is what he has told me.

It would be easier if we hadn't got off to such a rocky start. Long story. But I believe I glanced on it in my first topic here. But to give him a fair shake, after we had talked about the "rockiness" and before it got busy at his club... he was good about spending time with me.

Another thing that would make it easier is if this wasn't online for right now. We want to take it to "3 dimensional" (I like that term) but his work has curtailed those plans for now.

I am glad you posted about your experience with your husband's schedule. It makes me feel less alone in all this.

I just don't feel particularly secure right now. And it would mean the world to me if I even received a 20 second "sweet nothing" email... and yes I've asked. But to no avail.

I know it's hard to concentrate on others when he's busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest... but shouldn't he try? A little email or phone message or something?

Seems to me you have some options, and some decisions to make for yourself:

1.) You could wait for his busy season to clear up and see how it goes after that. Find a hobby, take a class, read, go for long walks, play online casually if it's permitted, play with yourself if it's not ...do what you need to in order to get through this dry spell, but do NOT nag him for attention. You will never get what you need from anyone that way. And in this case you will only be equating his thoughts of you with more stress and more demands. Not exactly the way to a Dom's heart. If he's tired and overworked he isn't going to want to deal with one more hassle. If you're hassling him, that means you.

You have to decide if only getting attention from him half the year is something you can accept and adapt to over the long-haul. Assuming of course that you are attended to properly when he's not so busy.

2.) Tell him (again) that you just need him to reach back to you a little bit when he's this busy, only this time tell him why. Don't make a big emotional production number out of it, just state everything simply and clearly. Email might be your best bet since you can write it, edit it, sleep on it, and edit it again before you send it; plus he can read and process it on his own schedule. There's no way of doing this without you going to him. If that's not possible then this isn't an option. If it is still an option, then wait at least 3 weeks for him to reply. If he checks his email once a week, that gives him sufficient time to read it, think about it, and write you back no matter how busy he is...IF he is willing and able to meet your needs.

If you just can't be the one to reach out one more time, or you don't want to wait that long for a reply, then a relationship with a busy insensitive man isn't going to work for you even if he's only busy part of the year. You also have to decide what you'll do if you don't like the response (or lack thereof), or if he agrees to make a small effort and then consistently fails to do so again.

3.) Cut your losses. Sometimes even the perfect man isn't capable of being the right man for you. (and vice versa ) You cant expect him to be anything other than what he is right now. Bow out gracefully with a simple notification that you need something different at this time, and wish him well. If he wants to know more than that, he'll ask. Then move on with your life, grateful that you've gained insights about yourself and your own needs.

It all boils down to what you decide your minimum needs are, and if he is both willing and able to meet them as often as you require. And if not, can you live with that? Do you want to live with that? Is there enough else there to overcome or look past that?