I understand that people who had abusive childhoods or who were attacked at some point can have trust and intimacy issues. It'd be weird if they didn't after something like that. But to assume that it's "nearly impossible (for them) to form a safe and loving relationship" I think underestimates man's ability to adapt and survive. While I do know of cases where people who had been abused did keep spiraling out of control and repeatedly getting themselves in bad situations and relationships (2 of them in spite of extensive therapy, I might add), the majority of the people I've known who had a traumatic background turned out pretty normal...as far as normal can be defined. They arent serial killers or rapists, they don't molest children or abuse their spouses, and on average they've formed stable relationships with both friends and lovers/mates. Some of them have had therapy, some haven't. Most of the ones who went through some kind of therapy said it helped "a little" and I know one who says it helped "a LOT". (And it really did!) Overall I'd say they run the gamut of mental health, but skewed toward the positive end of the scale. But then again maybe the people I've encountered have been exceptions to the rule, and there's a much greater number who turned out really crazy and avoid human contact altogether or who acted out and got themselves locked up. That's the problem with collecting data, results are tainted by who gets polled and who doesn't. *nod*

(There aren't too many licensed sex therapists. Last I heard, even schools that offer an advanced degree in sexology are extremely rare in the US. Plus I'm sure a lot of people would feel very uncomfortable seeking out such a therapist even if they were able to find one in their area.)

Quote Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide
But you must also realize that for a person from a background of trauma to form a safe and loving relationship based on trust and acceptance is nearly impossible.

A great number of people with abusive backgrounds have trust issues and can never form a "normal" relationship. And what feels safe and loving for a person that has been abused is otfen abuse.

It's when these people are shown kind, caring relationships that they begin to feel uncomfortable.

I'm happy that your friend found a good relationship and that things worked out for her, but she is one of the very, very few for whom things do work out.

Also, there are licensed sex therapists that can help with sexual problems and not lose their licenses.