first off neh at Oz :P lol

secondly, me and my now former Dom sat down and talked things out. W/we had had this same conversation now four times, me starting with that maybe O/our D/s styles just didn't match and Him not wanting to give up yet. i can't blame Him for not wanting to give up but when that conversation came up again, He conceded to my point.

so i'm no longer training, though W/we still remain very good friends, lol with excellant benefits it was both of O/our first 24/7 real life D/s relationship and W/we both knew it was going to be hard, but W/we didn't factor in the idea that maybe W/we just simply wouldn't match.

i had moved up here to train with Him, up here being West Virginia, but this weekend i'll be going back to jacksonville. I plan to still see Him though, as friends, W/we'll still probably explore the more physical aspects of bdsm together.

i learned an immense amount from this experience. i got to try SO many new things. i got to further the more physical part of my experience with bdsm, plus it was a trial and error thing as far as the relationship goes.

i appreciate everyone's comments and all the advice was extremely helpful. ok well Oz's just scared me :P

but before this relationship, i had gotten to a point where i was just flat out ready to give up on the lifestyle aspect of bdsm. not that i want to be a scene-er but i was ready to give up on looking for a D/s relationship. then Azrael came along and well you know the rest.

now i think my earlier idea was probably a good one. of course everyone says you shouldn't give up, but i think for now it's best. i'm a very impatient, impulsive, strong-willed, stubborn person.... and although i realize i have these faults, it's extremely hard to fix them. plus i still have my husband and that entire situation to deal with, and i miss him and worry for him. and things like that certainly get in the way of another relationship.

so i'm taking a step back. i need to learn patience. i admire the people on here who are together in D/s relationships online for a long long time before they move to real time. i need to fully understand that everything isn't going to simply fall into place, in a certain amount of time for me.

this experience helped me understand a bit more what kind of submissive i am and what kind of Dom i believe i need, and at the appropriate time, i will put the knowledge to use.

but for now.... i'm just going to enjoy the community, continue to learn and grow as much as i can, and try to fix myself.

oh and don't worry.... you all will still have me bouncing around here!!!!

again thank you soooo much for your advice and comments. i really appreciate them all.

xoxoxoxox


p.s. that being said, fellow unowned subbies..... He's a GREAT guy, and i'm gonna try to get Him addicted to this site as well, so keep an eye for Him!!!!