How far do you go?

[rce]

I always worry when Dom/mes say that they 'made' a sub do something, because that suggests that the sub really did not want to do it, rather than they just needed help/support/encouragement to do so.

To me, stepping beyond the consensual is stepping into abuse.

cariad

This seems like an easy enough rule, but I believe most people interested in BDSM knows that there is a very fine line between consensual and nonconsensual.

You can always use safe words, but for some, this takes the edge of the whole BDSM-play.

If your sub has told you on numerous occasions that she wants you to rape her, and you do, while she objects, is this consensual or not? If you don't have a safe word, or if she is gagged, how can you ever be sure you do not cross the line?

Then again, is it not often the wish of a sub to be forced to do that which she would never do voluntarily?

Having a BDSM relationship is about making some or parts of your fantasies come true. If a sub's fantasies involves being raped, really being raped, what good would it do her if her dom could never imagine really raping her? Sure, you can say that with a fantasy like that sub has, her chosen dom can never rape her in the legal meaning, because she is actually always consenting, but I think that is making the answer too easy.

I say that if a sub has a dream about really being raped, and her dom rapes her despite her saying their safe word, this is not abuse. This is making her dream come true. A jury would probably come to the opposite position, if the case went to court, but the jury is not always right.