Quote Originally Posted by spike
The best life is an interesting one. Remember you could be bored!
Rule 1 with any kind of depression is 'No depressive drugs'. This means no alcohol. Which means no alcohol. It's amazing how much trouble this simple rule saves. *nod*

The moments to work at are the ones where he is less depressed, not the ones where he is most depressed. Bring some joy to some of his upbeat moments. And bring a willingness to work on the other problems, especially the financial problems (research, brainstorming, etc.) to the others. Having an aim to work towards is useful against all kinds of depression, especially if there are small successes along the way.

It may be he needs the next job to be as all-consuming as the last, but you have a chance to at least be there as part of it from the beginning. If he can be content with a less consuming job than the last one, you both gain every which way, but again if you're there at the beginning you will be involved with it, not protected from it.

Spike
Pandy,

Well, I have to agree with Spike...both on the issues and on preferring an interesting life over a routine one.

Depression is hard...some of it is just a matter of being willing to stick through the bad times. As someone who's dealt with depression for most of my life, I know that's easier said than done. It's really important though. Little things count for a lot...just a note to bring him a smile or a wake-up call to help him get out of bed can be so helpful.

Also just being there to listen is the most important part. You're already good at that so it's just a matter of continuing to offer that support. Try to remind him at least once a day how special he is with concrete examples of his good qualities. It's amazing how overwhelming self-doubt can become during depression. It's easy to forget one's good qualities and constant reminders are really helpful. Even if you told him that he's excellent at fill-in-the-blank yesterday doesn't mean he'll still believe it today. So tell him again. He'll appreciate that you notice the little things he does well and it will help him to focus on using his talents instead of worrying that he won't be good enough/able to make a living/whatever.

It's also good for you to make sure to take care of yourself during this time. You won't be any help to him if you start feeling run down too. And just keep listening and supporting. Make sure he knows how special he is and how much you love him. We can all be hard-headed about these things, especially when depressed.

Let him know also that it's okay to try professional means of therapy. I've found that a lot of guys are resistant to sharing such personal aspects of themselves with "strangers", but that's the beauty of good therapists...you can tell them anything b/c they're not going to judge you. A word of caution though...I've learned that there's about one really good therapist for every ten mediocre to shitty ones. So helping him find the right one is something else that you can do. Again, it's a matter of constant encouragement...it's hard to have to shop for a therapist when one is depressed but it may end up being beneficial in the long run.

I think you already know a lot of this intuitively, but since you asked, I'm glad to repeat it. Feel free to PM also if you'd like and good luck!

eb

p.s.--I just saw Merrioc's post and felt I should comment. I don't mean to be rude, but when I'm depressed, I'd prefer someone who's honest with their emotions to someone who's just trying to act happy for my sake. When someone is depressed, they can see right through that, believe me. It just makes me irritable and I feel guilty if I think someone is acting overly happy in an attempt to help me. Be positive and happy when that's how you are feeling...but it's more important to be honest with your partner...otherwise they're not going to want to be honest with you about sharing their doubts/sadness/etc. And it's important for them to be able to share in order to move through depression and get on w/ life. That's just my opinion though.