Helping Your Master Through Depression

[spike]

p.s.--I just saw Merrioc's post and felt I should comment.
...
Be positive and happy when that's how you are feeling...but it's more important to be honest with your partner...otherwise they're not going to want to be honest with you about sharing their doubts/sadness/etc. And it's important for them to be able to share in order to move through depression and get on w/ life. That's just my opinion though.

No it is not, e.b. I entirely agree.

Spike

[Eraser]

I didn't mean to imply to fake an emotion or be something she wasn't. Depception on any level is wrong. So no I was not recomended that at all. Thats why I said don't run around being Barney cheerfull all the time. If you run around and be psedo happy, and its fake yea anyone can see through it. or if your just over the top happy then its going to be annoying and he's going to feel worse in some ways. But you said he sacraficed this for you and your relationship show your apprcieation for that, tell him that.

[e.b.]

Thanks, Spike, for the thumbs up.

And, Merrioc, thanks for the clarification. I was hoping that's what you meant but I wanted to check.

eb

[Pandora's Box]

Yes I suppose an "adventurous" life is more fun... even if I am running out of aspirin.

I appreciate the input.

I do try to be upbeat (not disgustingly so - can't stand that *shudder*) and it's easy to be, just because being with him does make me happy. And if I can give him the same happiness in return... then I'll be even happier.

Listening isn't the hard part. It's getting him to talk. Not to be stereotypical, but you know how men have trouble expressing what's inside of them sometimes. Especially what they're feeling. I've thanked my intuitive nature more than once in my communications with him.

Counselling isn't really an option. Even if hell suddenly froze over and I could talk him into it, he really doesn't have the money. And to be honest, he'd probably get more out of talking to me than them. Just because like you said, EB, finding a good counselor is like finding a needle in a haystack sometimes. Especially when he doesn't even have the energy to really look.

I think it's a good idea to make a point of telling him how much I appreciate and admire him. I really do. It takes a strong man to sacrifice that much for love. Whenever I think of it... I am literally in awe. I don't know if I would have it in me to do something like that... but he did.

Also, thank you EB, for mentioning to take care of me. When I am focused on others I do tend to forget about myself. I appreciate the reminder.

[allalone46]

Hello pandora. Spike and EB are right. Adn it would be good to try to get him back to work, but do it with him. and watch that he doesn'tgo back to old ways that started this to begin with. One thing else don't mother him. Be by his side and suport him but don't be a mother to him.

[slavelucy]

i've been thinking about this thread for a few days now...and i have to say, i sort of know where Merrioc is coming from. It's not so much about being false with one's emotions, but he's right when he says that misery loves company. i don't think he meant (although please correct me if i'm wrong, Merrioc) being faux cheery, because that would be false and a bit silly...but perhaps not sounding off about some of the little things you would sound off about if you were both in a none depressed state. Having said that, sometimes, it can be the sharing of your own worries that can force someone to focus on something other than themselves...it's a fine line.

i think in this particular instance, being upbeat about the future and new opportunities that can be sought out in the absence of the club is possibly the way to go...but don't labour it, if he's mourning it still, then just let him do so till he's adjusted to it not being part of his life anymore....which can be hard when you've put a lot of time and energy into something.

One other point, when you (Pandy!) say that your Master is suffering from depression, in my (albeit limited) experience, dominants who are depressed often don't feel particularly dominant..so perhaps try and focus on the 'relationship' side of the relationship as opposed to the Ds..for a short while, at least. Just an idea, may not apply to everyone, of course.

sl

[smartass kitten]

I have to agree with lucy on most parts.

As someone who has lost her job and well, my career so far, i can only offer you my 2 cents as the unemployed.
Being upbeat should really help, but sometimes it's good to just say that things will be okay, offer reassurance, understanding. don't go overboard with that, it might make it seem like his feelings are unjustified (?)

but, from what i've seen from you so far, PB, you already do so

i hope that makes sense...sometimes the english eludes me.

i wish you both strength and a happy future.
don't forget to take care of your own needs, too...it's so easy to forget that sometimes.