Quote Originally Posted by jaeangel
For me, the best part, the most important part, is love/caring, trust, and responsibility. The fact that a Master/Mistress/Dominant feels confident enough to take on the awesome responsibility of caring for another person, and the submissive has that much trust in the person they're submitting to, is the most important part. Trust and responsibility are such fragile things, so hard to find these days and so easily broken that to find anyone willing to take on those responsibilities and carry them out is a wonderful thing.
At first glance it looks like the top is taking what he wants from the bottom without caring what the bottom wants. At least, that's what it looks like to the casual observer. To those of us who are in the lifestyle, and are true BDSMers, there's a delicate dance of submission and control with the lead constantly changing between two partners. The bottom is respecting the sub by giving that person what they crave/need/want; the sub gives whatever the dominant wants in total trust that the dominant will not ask for anything beyond the sub's ability to give. This to me, is the important part. I was in a relationship where all the other things mentioned were used; humiliation, discipline of both kinds, bondage, pain...but there was no respect in that relationship, so it wasn't a true BDSM relationship. There was no respect, trust, care, or responsibility on the part of the dom in that relationship, so it was mostly empty of meaning for me.
You can have all the other trappings of the BDSM lifestyle, and have it not mean anything. The relationship REQUIRES the three elements above or it's not a real relationship.
Then again, it's just my opinion...
I completely agree with that Jae. I've never experienced a physical bdsm or D/s relationship, but I value the trust, respect and care that I get from my Dom, and that I give him. It's a two way street, and I'm only just starting to walk down that particular street. I have a feeling the bondage would come first with me, closely followed by Discipline: Light/Playful... but all that remains to be seen. Right now and probably always, the mental / emotional aspect of things means much more to me.