Does anyone here question BDSM?

[WyldWyl]

Actually, this is seeming like a reasonable place to mention a theory i've been mulling over for the last little while. I even hopped on my university's database of psychological journals and did a little research on the ideas, to see if some studies had been done. And I found a grand total of...one. And not a very good one at that. It simply suggested that the aetiology of masochism in males might stem from associations in childhood. Basically a neo-freudian approach. (Hebb, 2001)

But my own personal theory (who knows...might even get to write a paper on it one day) is that there is (at least in the case of masochism, which I realise isnt the same thing as submission, but it's germain to the topic as a whole) a certain neurochemical difference in people who take satisfaction in pain and those who don't. Note here that I don't wish to characterise it as a disorder or as being abnormal...just a slight different. Whilst stimulation of pain receptors in all people causes the release of endorphins as a natural analgesic, I think this response is heightened in masochists, or that the feedback loop to regulate the response may be in some way impared. So if we can extend this idea to the other aspects of BDSM, we may all be in someone neurologically different to our vanilla brothers and sisters, if I might use that term.

But does that mean that BDSM as a whole is unhealthy? Well, I suppose that depends on what's caused the change to our respective neurochemistries, and to the extent that chemistry is linked to health. (Not even to open the can of worms about how you measure 'health' objectively) I would guess that it depends to a huge degree on the person in question, their motives, life-experience, partners, etc.

<edit> On the other hand, the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV(R) (international guides to categorising mental disorders and psychopathology) stopped categorising things like masochism as psychosexual disorders about the same time they dropped homosexuality as one, so legally and medically, you couldn't be sectioned/institutionalised for engaging in BDSM unless they could convincingly argue that it stemmed from some other problem that made you an immediate danger to yourself or others.</edit>

So. Is BDSM by it's nature unhealthy? My answer is a resounding...maybe. Let me gather more experience and maybe i'll come up with something more enlightening.

[WyldWyl]

In a curious coincidence, there was a brief article in one of todays newspapers (Sunday Age, for any Melbourne/Victorian readers) suggesting that at least in the case of men, engagement in BDSM activities correlates well to increased scores in psychological happiness. The support was there, although not as strong for women, as well.

So, maybe might be veering towards yes.

[thelypthoric]

I ask myself this all the time.

I've been involved in my local BDSM community for about 5 years, and the question comes up now and then (usually with the attitude of "how could they possibly think there's something wrong with me"). Honestly, when I hear hostility towards the mere mention of the thought, I think people are afraid to analyze something that really, should be analyzed.

* A prior history of abuse, especially among females, is rampant in the BDSM community. Perhaps as one poster suggested, its just as common in the vanilla world. My gut tells me that the rate is truely much higher than society at large.

* A large segment of society thinks our behaviors are "sick". Of course, the community argues (and I agree) that our lifestyle is merely misunderstood and we're really the upstanding members of society that live next door to them (but then again, that's also true of child molesters). Isn't the "misunderstood" lines what child molesters, thieves, Enron execs, and other malevolent members of society claim, too? Are we deluding ourselves like the heroin addicts who can "stop at any time"?

* Most of the behaviors that we fantasize and act out would be serious felonies in the real world. Others point out that everyday people fantasize about horrific acts too. I'll admit, especially when I see some 'foolproof' plan, my first thought is how I might defraud/defeat it. But the difference is, the defrauding remains a whimsical musing. In contrast, I actively seek out partners to perform BDSM on.

At the end of the day, I'm troubled by the fact that the crazy person is not the best judge of whether they are crazy or not.

In considering the above, there's two things that let me sleep at night:
1.) She likes it too, and we're happy. Its been my experience that BDSM relationships are deeper and more fulfilling than vanilla ones.

2.) I don't know anyone personally who's left the lifestyle and has "been cured" and came back and warned the community what they did was wrong. That can't be said of a lot of the groups that use the "misunderstood" line.