Breathes deeply as I prepare to answer in public, what I have been asked twice in private; why do I not share my journals with the man I choose to obey.

My journals are a tool for me, a way of exploring my thoughts and reactions. A way of challenging myself and most importantly bringing me face to face with my own raw thoughts. They are to help me come to a more honest understanding of me.

If I knew that they were going to be read by anyone else, however close that relationship is, then that would be bound to have an impact, although maybe only subconsciously, on what I included, and how I presented it. It can be hard enough being completely 100% open and honest with myself, let alone someone else. Quite simply the purpose of the journal, for me would be diminished.

That does not mean that I do not share myself with him, I just do it in a different way. By times of very open conversations for larger issues and coded emails (his secretary has access to them) for more intimate messages during the day and when he is away.

In preparation for trying to explain this, I asked him over breakfast if by not sharing my journals with him he felt excluded. He made a sort of negative grunt, which I promptly looked up in my male:female dictionary and translated to 'what are you whittering on about now, I hope this is not something which is about to explode and give me trouble as I am mentally stepping into the day ahead', so I left it there.

cariad