Why the 24 hour bdsm?

[Eraser]

I would be very surprised if it causes you any distress, humiliation, self-doubt, attack to your personality or sacrifice of something meaningful in your life.

Thats a rather unfair statement. Would I say its cause life altering of any of those? Absolutely not. That specific example HAS caused many of those. First off admitting it publicly I found embarrassing but used it as example in a hope to help you. Caused me self-doubt I can't even FATHOM to explain to how that has happened nor would I be willing to do so publicly and endure more humiliation because of it. Attacks on my personality? absolutely more then once including to the point of the removal of an officers position in a local BDSM (so called community group) lets also touch on the public chastisement for it. Including the main reason I switched to this forum from another. So I would say your cross analogy is anywhere near fair.

Most importantly, it's reciprocal. I'm sure she does equal things for you.

In this part your 101% correct. It is reciprocal and also gratitude for the devoting she gives me. But its not something I have to do for her she would be just as devout if I didn't.


[QUOTE=duktig flicka]And onwards to the issue with why people choose to be submissive. You seem to imply that the only way a human mind can possibly be made to act against its nature is if society blatantly says they have to act in precisely one way. {/QUOTE]
How is being submissive acting against the nature of the human mind? It seems to me a rather common part of the human mind in nature and in people. My interpretation I would gather from your vantage point that acting as a submissive does in a 24/7 sense is "wrong" because its anti-feminist.

there are hundreds of other psychological issues that could make a person enter into unhealthy situations.

This is a question not an attack.
Are you saying then by acting in the sense as we have discussed is unhealthy?

Moreover, you seem to be ignoring how women definitely are socially conditioned and socially expected to be submissive.

I"m not ignoring this fact at all, but are you saying that all women are submissive are doing so only because of social programming? Women are socially programmed, Men are socially programmed. Consumers are socially programmed. I was actually parentally programmed to exist the nearly the exact opposite of the way I do. I don't ignore this at all

Finally, in your last couple paragraphs, you appear to be stating that since I don't have irrefutable proof that there is a problem, this is itself proof that there must be none.

That was not my intention in those statement I apologize if you felt I meant it that way. I'm not qualified to make a broad based psychological judgment if there is or is not a problem. What I simple mean to say is, just because you or I can qualify foundational proof that BDSM is "damaging" or "harmful" or not does not make it wrong.

I will never stop being concerned about my bdsm until I understand its psychological roots and the effect is has on both my and my dom's psyche. I have concern for others, too, but I will keep it to myself outside of this one request for understanding because I am in no position to poke into others' affairs - especially when I'm so far from understanding them. As I tried to communicate (though probably failed) in the original post, I am trying to understand this in part so I can alleviate that concern. Also, of course, because I just want to understand bdsm and things in general.

I took your understanding of your original posting to be more of a broad question of the "why", not a specific application of it to your own psyche. Nor would I be inclined to stem to believe myself capable of even stating a general conclusion as to where your psychological roots lay when it comes to BDSM or as to its effect on either yours or your doms psyche. I'm not qualified to make that type of judgment. I do however understand the general subject matter of why certain people including myself prefer a 24/7 existance in the lifestyle as opposed just doing specific kink in the bedroom to get each other off.

All the arguing aside, I do appreciate your recognition of my lifestyle. I'm starting to feel like I'm just not good enough because I'm not submissive enough to some people in various bdsm communities.

The only offering I can bring to your own understand is my personal unprofessional view that there is NOTHING wrong with NOT being 24/7 nor does it make you any less of a submissive. I can also offer you links to 3 doctoral thesis on the topic of the possible perceived and analyzed view points of the foundation BDSM Dominants and submissive's.

I'm not an armchair general on this topic. I've lived the lifestyle for 1/3 of my life I have read and educated myself to a level above average of those in the lifestyle and am pursuing my own Masters in psychology and hopefully my doctorate in health education specializing in human sexuality.

[Eraser]

oh yea, one other side note of a comment, I despise the mentality of certain BDSM clique's that the females "rightfull" or "natural" position is submissive.



oh course it just looks stupid for me to go off on that tangent and see my own jiggly butt signature at the bottom LOL

[Dngnkeeper]

I can also offer you links to 3 doctoral thesis on the topic of the possible perceived and analyzed view points of the foundation BDSM Dominants and submissive's.

Please do

[Eraser]

Please do

http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/academia.htm

[vistana]

I've really enjoyed reading this thread, because I also have a lot of trouble wrapping my brain around the idea of a 24/7 D/s relationship.

I just tell myself that everyone is different, what works for other people can scare the shit out of me, and what I like would probably really creep out most of my friends.

I think if you can't grasp the appeal of a certain lifestyle/kink/variant thereof, then no matter how many people try to logically explain it to you, it's not really going to help. If you don't get it or like it, other people telling you that it's okay for them won't help you much. Understanding something intellectually really does not make it easier to really 'get'.

So my advice is to not worry about not being 'submissive enough', and just accept that some people think about things very diferently from you (or I, for that matter ).

That's my two cents, hopefully I said something useful.

[duktig flicka]

Okay, Eraser. You win this time. I'll play your little bit-by-bit, quote-by-quote post layout game!

Thats a rather unfair statement. Would I say its cause life altering of any of those? Absolutely not. That specific example HAS caused many of those.

Well, if you're willing to make sacrifices that large for the sake of another's will, then I suppose that's up to you. But I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want anyone else to do so for me.

Are you saying then by acting in the sense as we have discussed is unhealthy?

Of course not. I'm saying I'm concerned. Though I didn't directly mean the thread to be about my concern. I meant it more so that I could understand it. I bring up my concern mostly just because I want to admit that it may colour my discussion of it and warn people that I can be biased. Also because part (though definitely not all) of the reason I seek to understand it is so I can see if I can alleviate that concern.

I"m not ignoring this fact at all, but are you saying that all women are submissive are doing so only because of social programming?

I'm saying that it is possible, and also that other psychological reasons which are not healthy could get people involved in bdsm. I know many people deny this possibility, and they are welcome to do so, and I'm not going to tell them have to do otherwise. I personally refuse to deny the possibility, no matter how much people tell me I should, until I see proof either way.

What I simple mean to say is, just because you or I can qualify foundational proof that BDSM is "damaging" or "harmful" or not does not make it wrong.

Why would it? Why do you feel the need to say this?

I took your understanding of your original posting to be more of a broad question of the "why", not a specific application of it to your own psyche.

It applies to me because it applies to a community I'm a part of. It applies to me because examining different levels of bdsm will help me understand it at my own level of participation. It applies to me because I had an emotional reaction to it (it frightened me). Also, I just want to understand.

oh yea, one other side note of a comment, I despise the mentality of certain BDSM clique's that the females "rightfull" or "natural" position is submissive.

Um...I'm not sure I'd get so far as to despise that, because it's just absurd. At that point I would firmly say that the person has a mental problem.

[Eraser]

I wish you the best in your relationship and I hope you discover what your looking for and are happy.

[duktig flicka]

Awww. I was enjoying arguing.

I really believe arguing is the best way to learn. When someone makes a point you can't argue with, then you know you've stumbled on something new.

But thank you for your good thoughts. *curtsey curtsey*