Quote Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide

  1. Who was the person that did the scene at the party? What was her relationship to the poster of this thread?
  2. Does the poster of this thread have any real-time BDSM experience, or is his experience purely online?
  3. Why the bad reaction to the person at the party having a scene with someone else? I don't get it.
  4. Has the poster of this thread tried explaining any of this to the person that did the scene at the party? Or is the poster here just using this as a format to vent frustrations without seeking any actual help? Again, I don't get it.
1. A friend, that is all our relationship was at the time.
2. I have r/t experience.
3. I don't have an answer to that yet, what I can tell you is that my "defend your friends" alarm went off, and because it was a consentual scene I had to squelch that reaction. It was an odd reaction to have, it had never occured before in regards to anything. I'm sure I'll have the exact answer eventually, dealing with this has been go thru all the layers, and I've yet to reach the center. I'm not really trying to make that an issue here, in a nushell I'm trying to say that I wasn't entitled to those feelings and actly rashly and selfishly. If you talk w/ the lady involved in the scene she'll tell you that basically the scening at the party was very poorly done, and it being my first play party she wouldn't have expected me to have a good reaction to what I saw there. One of the things that kills me most is she scened, because I'm new to the lifestyle and being friends she wanted to show me what a good scene could be like.
4. I've talked with my friend who was involved in the scene, I talk about that in the blog, apologized explained myself - it helped to an extent. I'm not so sure I can "find help" in dealing with this. No one I've talked to, even the more esoteric people, understand what type of standard I hold myself to, and to what extent that was violated by my actions at the party. The standard that I am holding myself to(that applies in this instance) is that my friends and loved ones come first, in this case I allowed MY emotions to get the best of me and allowed them to force my reactions.

-Sullied