or, perhaps your sexual slant has to do with your wife with this sub.

Some men like topping other people. They enjoy the buzz of Dominance in terms of the physical stamina and mental energy expended while whipping, flogging etc.

This pleasure can be completely separate from sex.

In fact, in my own life, there are many times that we scene in which I don't achieve or require sexual gratification.

But, maybe that is just me?