When my wife worked emergency, she had a fellow come in walking with open legs, as though galded or too long on a horse. He asked to see a male nurse, or a male doctor, she told him it was just her and Dr. Jane, so if he wanted help...

After some hemming and hawing, he finally mentioned he had a problem with "leaking".

Nurse: "Leaking?"

Guy: "Yeah, you know. When you can't hold your water?"

Nurse: "Oooh. Incontinence!"

Guy: "Yah. Anyway my Mis.. my ladyfriend suggested I use one of those things women use for their periods, to absorb the liquid so it doesn't leak through. I, err, I guess she was a little rough on ol' John Thomas the other night."

Nurse: "And the problem is...."

Guy: "Well, the leaking kept on, so I put another one in.."

Nurse, barely restraining a scream, and laughter: "You used a TAMPON?"

Guy: "Yeah. Now I can't get either one of them out."

The hospital bill for open-organ surgery was in the $7000 range, plus ongoing medical care for over six weeks.

His mistress sent him flowers.