Thanks Lily for posting this to begin with and I'd like to thank everyone else that contributed here. Self exploration is a long and ever changing journey, but one that I enjoy. It's the "why's" and the little differences that make us all "tick" that intrigue me, and the similarities that comfort me.

1. Why do you submit? What is the drive? What is the reward?

I am submissive, something I have came to terms with, and it’s as much a part of me as my eye color. Why? I honestly have been digging for this answer for as long as I could put a name to it. I have many theories, but have not settled on any as of yet. I do know that it is a deep rooted desire and need to have that connection that leads to my submission and have it accepted.

I find many rewards in my submission. I gain peace, inner knowledge, greater intimacy, confidence, guidance, strength, escape, pleasure, and nothing more important then the ability to please the one that has given me all these.

That being said it does not mean that submit to just anyone. I have found for me it is almost an inspired reaction of my subconscious to a deep connection with another. In fact I have only felt the desire to submit to four men in my life, two of which had no idea what to do with the reins once handed them. The first man whom I truly submitted to leads me to the next question.

2. How did you ever start down this path? Any bumps along the way?

I ran face first into it. Back in my younger and much wilder days, I was a naive 19 year old. I was introduced to a friend of a girl I had known most of life. I became immediately attracted to him and everything about him. Almost embarrassed to admit now, but I did everything in my power to seduce him. He warned me that I didn't know what I was getting myself into but after scolding me for how crass I was being, he gave in. I think back on it and that first night still seems so intense. I would think he was almost trying to scare me off if the next morning he had not said "next time your in need of a good spanking just asks." That was the beginning of a very gratifying two and half year D/s relationship in which he lead me to discover my submission, and put a name to a trait I already possessed.

3. If your submissive side of your personality is different than your "everyday" self, how do you reconcile the two? How do you switch back and forth? What is your trigger for getting into "sub mode?"

I related very closely to what lily had to say on this subject.
In my vanilla life I present both traits. I tend to be a bit bossy at times but only when I see that things are not being done correctly (according to my younger sister for one), I am a strong opinionated woman, and in groups I usually end up in some form of leadership role. Though now that I look at that, I do not strive for those positions, but more end up there when others do not step up. I am also a giver, peace keeper, and like to please, but not to the extent of doormat. I'm a listener and quite often find myself being asked advice. I think that is because I have pretty good ability to look at all sides of situations.

Sub mode is always in effect in relation to my Dom, but I do feel different levels of it between daily conversation and play for instance.

4. Anything you dislike about it? Anything you would rather change?

I have tried to bury it, tried to ignore it, to smother that part of me, dismiss it as something I would surely grow out of... all to no avail. Finally, I think I have accepted it. Though I do admit I still question my sanity. What I would change leads to the next question...

5. Does any of the above change based on whether or not you have a current partner?

I'm married, and like so many I've read about here I'm in a very vanilla relationship for the most part. My husband is aware of my kinks and my past to a point. He has even from time to time indulged me with a watered down version of kinky sex. I have tried to explain to him and even linked him to information in the past about D/s. He does not comprehend it, and has no desire to go any further than we previously have. Not too long ago I forced myself to accept that I could not change him and should not want to. He isn't "wired" as a dominate, even if he presents certain dominate traits. So I find solace in places such as here, knowing that at least I'm not alone.