Humiliation vs. Degradation

[Domme]

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My sub partner--who is "partner" in every sense of the word--had some very abusive relationships in her history before we met. Having learned of what others put her through made my blood boil with anger. she was shown no respect whatsoever and had been beaten to the point of requiring hospitalization. From what she told me, the beating was all because she refused to be chained nude to a dog run in the back yard and flogged. The names she was called weren't intended to inflame passion but to negate humanity.

That's why it was such a surprise when she whispered to me once that she wanted to be called My slut and My whore or the like. I'd taken great pains (wink) to avoid phrases and actions that would humiliate her; the last thing I wanted was any kind of comparison to someone in her past. The key word in each, though, was "My."

We had a long talk about this, and she told me that she was a little afraid of the reactions she might have upon hearing me say those types of things, but she trusted me to remember love and respect. she said she wanted the freedom to be a whore and a slut without fear of harsh judgment or revulsion. she wanted something kinder to replace her nightmares.

Even she knew during her darkest times that regardless of the words used, there's a huge difference between the concepts humiliation and degradation. Power is given--not taken. she gave herself freedom when she gave Me power. In that, we both found reward.

It's taken some time, patience on both our parts, and even tears, but now My lovely little slut begs to hear that all of her is Mine.

[Eraser]

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.. she wanted to be called My slut and My whore or the like..

My wife has a saying which I adore

"I'm your wife and your whore and I do a damn good job at both"

[Curtis]

I don't believe this is off topic, so I'm going to throw it in here:

I'm getting tired of people (mostly authors) on this site mis-using the word 'whore'. If you're not doing it for money, you're not a whore. A slut maybe, but not a whore. :soapbox:

[Domme]

"I'm getting tired of people (mostly authors) on this site mis-using the word 'whore'." ... :soapbox:

When quoting the words of another, Curtis, one uses the exact words unless paraphrasing, author or not. And authors have full use of literary license in using the word in their stories. Perhaps posting your objections on the actual story feedback lines would be more appropriate?

Conceptualize its use and ease down from the soapbox, okay? The one here seems a little ricketty.

[e.b.]

Humiliation is an excellent cue for couples that move in and out of D/s and vanilla...a most lovely hint that the fun is just about to start.

Good point, e.b. i never really thought about humiliation being used as a tool in that sense...but, you're right, it is.

sl

[slavelucy]

When quoting the words of another, Curtis, one uses the exact words unless paraphrasing, author or not. And authors have full use of literary license in using the word in their stories. Perhaps posting your objections on the actual story feedback lines would be more appropriate?

Conceptualize its use and ease down from the soapbox, okay? The one here seems a little ricketty.

Blimey, steady on!

i don't think a soap box can be ricketty when someone's stating something that they personally are sick of, especially if it's based on a statement of fact. (i.e. that slut and whore don't mean the same thing and that it is, on occasion interchanged at will).

Having said that, Curtis - if this seriously bothers you, it may be worth bringing it up in Critics Circle.

sl

[Domme]

Having said that, Curtis - if this seriously bothers you, it may be worth bringing it up in Critics Circle.

sl

...And that was my point, sl. Thanks for clarifying it for me. Opinion is his, of course, just the wrong placement here.

[slavelucy]

...And that was my point, sl. Thanks for clarifying it for me..

You're welcome.

Sorry, i thought your point was that authors have full use of literary license in using the word whore in their stories, and i was just pointing out that he didn't say anything to the contrary.

If, however, i misunderstood your point but still managed to clear it up, then great!

sl

[Eclipsed]

I'm new to all this and am glad that I found this thread and others like it. I've been doing research for a while and never even considered that there could be a difference between humiliation and degredation. I just thought that one was synonymous with the other and a key element in "play." I've been looking for a dom and in talking to several people, heard the term humiliation used often. Like others in this thread and everywhere else, I've had very negative associations with that term and I definitely know what it means to be humiliated. It's not a fun thing, but since I thought it was a definite must in a relationship, i've been hesitant to tell my prospective dom(s) that it's not much of a turn on and that it makes me uncomfortable. I'm glad to know what humiliation play is now and how very personal it should be and that it shouldn't be used at the very beginning of a relationship. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded to this as it's helped me a lot in learning to set the boundries every sub should have. Great Thread!!

eclipsed

[Alex Bragi]

So why is the first thing said when discussion comes up about humiliation: “Oh, I don’t like humiliation,”? Because there is a huge misunderstanding about what humiliation really is. I found myself explaining the difference the other night when several submissives I know shook their heads and flat out said they hated humiliation and it was a hard limit for them.

Well, I've just been reading Pandykin's postings, and now I think, it's quite possible, the 'misunderstanding' might not always stem from the submissives. If he, or she, says, "No, I'm not into humiliation," there's every chance that's exactly what they mean. They just simply don't like that form of sexual play for some reason. It has little to do with trust and understanding. It's more about individual limits and, most important of all, respecting those limits in order to gain trust.

No. Master taught me the difference. He taught me TRUE humility and humiliation. And, he did it in a very uplifting way. I know, sounds like an oxymoron, uplifting humiliation.

No, this doesn't sound like an oxymoron at all. I feel that erotic humility and humiliation play is about being released from a sense of pride and prudishness that all too often bridles and restricts us. I think that's possibly why many subs express having a feeling of 'release' and 'liberation', a by submitting. It's, perhaps, that temporary loss of our own self worth and inhibitions that enable us to enjoy the experience a whole lot more. So, yes, I think 'uplifting humiliation' is a good way of saying it.

[Locked Advantages]

At times I myself get confused because the dehumanization and degradation turns me on more than the humiliation such as being a puppy for my dom at the time or for him to have me as an object to dehumanize me as such. I seperate it from humiliation. Sometimes it gets confusing trying to explain that to people...when they ask what I am into at times its hard to explain the differences....then when I saw I enjoy Dehumanization or degradation, they are like but isn't that the point of no return? To me its not because someone can be a puppy...and still have the same kind of relationship with the one that they serve. It confuses me to explain myself because there are some things about humiliation I enjoy but the dehumanization intrigues me more,oaky I will stop before I confuse myself with my thoughts,lol

[Ezzrai]

it clarified a few things. What i was witness to was degradation and this frightened me deeply;dehuminization...to which i had no understanding; and humiliation to where i felt inner yearnings.