Second Assignment, Ana's Secret

[Beswitchingly Positive]

Walking with Victoria on lower Decatur Street always turned into shopping. How could she resist the shoes, lingerie, the hip slutty clothes, the incense or the art? Ana understood that Tory needed things. She had the money. She earned it. Tory took Ana with her, whenever she would diegn to come along.

Today they had wandered into the middle eastern shop with all the brightly dyed fabric, small drums and insence. Belly dancer clothes and other colorful fashions hung by the dozens. The shop keeper never stood as the girls browsed.

Ana was Tory’s only girl friend who was not a dancer.

She was nothing like the other girls. She rarely bought herself anything.

“Pretty blue, Tor. That’ll look great on you.”

It didn’t need saying, a sack would elevate to the status of evening wear on Tory. A gorgeous frame for any dress, her womanly curves showed no matter what she wore. She was the most beautiful girl Ana had ever met. Her long lush chestnut hair hanging down her back stopped just abve her nice round ass which led to her long firm legs. Her skirts were mostly see through, her panties non existant, her jeans too tight, and her necklines always low. She embodied seduction. It was mainly in voice and gestures, her lips fit the job, red and rich as wet oil paint. She was tall; always reminding Ana of a tragically sexy Wonder Woman. Men’s hearts skipped beats in unison when she sauntered down the crowded street.

It was in spite of this that Ana became Tory’s friend.

Ana did not mind paying Tor compliments. She understood Victoria had a curse.

She did not believe she was beautiful.

Ana fell in love with Tory’s writing. They met at a party. The introducing friend, an exstripper, mentioned they should talk about writing. Eager for a female audience, Victoria called her and they made plans.

Reading outloud to each other the next week, the girls took turns. Startled at the simialirty of metaphor, the excessive use of water in their novels, the strange commonality in their writings they had both been brought to tears. They had become fast friends and it stuck.

Their stories were too similar; they had little choice.

It had been more than a year since they met, almost as long as Ana had been with Andrew. Victoria admired their relationship; she had been through so many men in that time.

Ana understood Victoria. She remembered her days before she met a guy that felt right.

“Should I buy it?”

“Try it on, see if you like it.” Ana spoke, gently encouraging Tory.

Ana’s opinion mattered so much to her. Her eyes were brown pools pleading for acceptance. The wrong tone or word would have cut her tender heart. Tory hid nothing from her. Ana kept her secrets.

Her instructions always felt like little invisible gifts and Tory was eager to open them and follow her direction. She loved Ana's self control, her calm demeanor and self confidence.

Ana did not usually like to give orders. She did like that Tory enjoyed it so much. It inspired her feel stern in her love for the doll like woman. Tory wasn't just a doll; she was an action figure.

Tory walked the skirt out of the dressing room with a big smile on her face. Of course, she looked great, even with her dress pulled up to show off the skirt, long legs nearly showing to their tops and almost more.

“Get it!” Ana barked it, a command. It was just the right shade of see through.

Tory swished off to change back to the plain white summer dress she had come in.

Distracted by the many handed, bare chested Hindu figures on a shelf in the corner of the shop, Ana wandered. She did not notice Tory asking to try on the bracelet.

“Ana, help me!” Tory’s voice was an octave too high.

Mildly alarmed, Ana walked over to her as Tory twisted the thick metal band on her arm. She was frowning at her self in the mirror near the counter and the shop keeper. He was sitting again, arms folded in his lap; the picture of patience.

“It won’t fit right, feel’s like it will break if I squeeze it, “ the distress in her voice did not match her predicament. Ana’s first impulse was to laugh; she could tell Tory was serious. She was near tears.

“Here, let me. Maybe you can’t squeeze this one.” Ana touched the bracelete on Tory’s arm and had a flash of a harem girl, a slave.

“It doesn’t fit, take it off.” her voice was strict but soft. “Give it back, don’t buy that.”

“You’re right.” she had regained all of her shy, queenly composure when the trinket was removed. Ana was relieved.

Leaving the shop Ana explained her reaction to the jewelery. “Victoria, that bracelet was for a slave girl. I saw it. You were just looking to blow money. You didn’t need that.” Ana took her hand.

“You’re right. It was pretty though. Oh, stockings, they have stockings across the street, “ Ana knew the store, they did have good stockings. They stopped on the corner. Tory looked at Ana and asked her childlike, in a serious tone, “Am I allowed to buy stockings?”

It was the way she said Am I allowed, Ana could tell she wanted her to tell her what to do. It made Ana tingly. She had a pleading in her voice that said she would have done anything she was told.

Ana played along. “Do you need them? For work? You should then,”

“Yes, I need some, maybe on the way back.”

“Your party.”




Later that night Ana asked Andrew “Do you like Tory?”

Andrew put his book down and looked her in the eye for that one. Victoria was a bit of a mess. A stripper, but not like most, she was smart and blunt with her sexuality. She was moody, unpredictable. He had no direct reason to dislike her. He did like her, she was a good friend. Ana always asked questions for a reason.

“Like her how, Ana?”

‘”Like her as a person, Andrew. Do you like her?”

“Yes, I like her as a person.”

“Good, because she needs me. She needs more than just me.” Ana felt her face flush and give her away. She wanted to sleep with Tory, but not if she was out bedding random guys, as she was want to do. Tory loved cock, she liked girls too. Ana wanted to share Andrew with her. She had an urge to tame her.

Andrew saw her discomfort. “Ana, just spit it out.”

She took a deep breath. “Tory is my best girl friend. She has her problems. Most of it comes from not getting enough attention. She thrives on it,” Ana hoped Andrew had a clue where she was going. “I think it would be nice if we paid more attention to her.”

Andrew’s mind was trying to place himself between these two women, his imagination was simmering and she added spice by smiling at his silence. In a quiet steady voice Ana laid out the details of her idea.

Ana was rarely bisexual. She had dabbled with women and did not get much arousal from it. Once in a rare while, a woman would catch her mind. Ana was magnetized to Victoria in that special way. She wanted to please her and she knew Tory liked women and men. Thinking Tory might say yes, Ana wanted to ask Andrew first.

“You are my primary love, Andrew,” she looked him in the eyes, “it is not because I am tired of you, whatever you decide goes.”

She bowed her head to him, signaling to him as she was taught, for inner peace.

He smiled at her fist in her flat hand, long hair covering her lowered face. She was his fantasy. Pushing his ideas and limits, she dove deeper into his heart every day. Candid and to the point with her requests, she led his mind to places he had always wanted to go. Now she wanted to share a woman with him. His mind was caressing the idea as his hand went to her soft hair. He gently touched the woman he loved.

“Tell me what you want to do with her.”

She loved it when he took that tone, the voice inspired her to climb into his lap, he held her close. She held him and played with his greying hair as she whispered hotly into his ear.

“One night the three of us will have a nice dinner and a couple of drinks together. She will flirt with me and I will encourage it. I expect you would be your usual, quiet, occasionaly witty, stoic self Andrew.” She kissed his ear gently. He shivered.

“Let me do the work of seducing her. She will invite us to her place. I will hold her hand the way she likes me to, as we walk, you will walk behind us, watching over us as we whisper to each other. Men will see us together with you following and wish they were you.”

Andrew had his hand down Ana’s blouse, he had reached into her bra to play with her nipple. Pinching the little bud, his cock grew hard. She breathed a little faster as she spoke. His fingers moved on her nipples, pinching her roughly as she voiced her fantasy.

“When we arrive at her door and enter the alleyway that leads to her place, the one with no light, you will walk ahead a little in the dark and I will stop her by pulling her arm a bit, she will stop and mouth silently, what? and I will whisper to her that I want her.I will touch my friend. I will tell her I am willing to safely share my beautiful man with her. I will tell her you and I talked and we are both willing. I will read her breathing and if she is very excited by this, I will push her against the damp brick wall in the dark with you watching I will kiss her.”

He pinched her hard. Her nipples ached for his lips. She was trying not to squirm as she kept breathing her vision into his ear.

“I will grab her tightly by the wrists. If she is moaning with pleasure, I will shush her and tell her, Victoria, if you are good, I will let you try my man’s cock. You will have to do everything we say. First you will strip and I will inspect you. You will lie, spread on your bed; I will make you want to come with my mouth, I will lick you, suck your clit until you are begging. I ‘ll only let him fuck you safely and he will never come inside you. He will always wear a condom for you. I will make sure it stays on. We all know how fertile you are. Even with birthcontrol. I will make you have the best orgasm while he fucks your wet snatch. He won't come in you; he takes forever to come. I will let you watch him fuck me. He respects my choice to have you. He knows I love you. I will ask him to fuck you if you need cock Victoria. If you want him. We are a package deal."

Andrew kissed Ana. Secretly, he was afraid he would be too shy for all she wanted. His cock twitched; he knew it was not true.

[Aussiegirl1]

Hi,

I will read this through and get back to you as soon as I can.

Thanks
Aussiegirl

[Satan_Klaus]

Wow! What can I say? This story is a seduction, from beginning to end, drawing the reader ever closer.

I love the way you set the dynamic between the two women in the beginning. How one is submissive and the other takes on the matching role, leading her.

I was a bit confused about the bracelet, though. There is a message in there but I didn't get it.

The second part with andrew seemed like an awkward ad-on at first but later turned into the seduction I had gotten used to. Maybe you should work a bit on the transition between the parts.

All said, a great story!

Satan_Klaus

[Beswitchingly Positive]

Wow! What can I say? This story is a seduction, from beginning to end, drawing the reader ever closer.

I love the way you set the dynamic between the two women in the beginning. How one is submissive and the other takes on the matching role, leading her.

I was a bit confused about the bracelet, though. There is a message in there but I didn't get it.

The second part with andrew seemed like an awkward ad-on at first but later turned into the seduction I had gotten used to. Maybe you should work a bit on the transition between the parts.



All said, a great story!

Satan_Klaus

Hey, SK, Thanks,

It was an awkward situation, so the transition wanted to feel that way. Perhaps it would be more effective if there was more of a transition, but I like to use a 'change scenes' effect, a quick switch if there is no real action to follow.

it is cool that you felt the seduction, the story was about Victoria's power of seduction. Yay!

The scene with Andrew might have seemed awkward because they are both switch, he is mostly dominant, but not so much that he can totally control Ana, they switch. Ana is more dominant than Victoria and who knows where Andrew will fall if they mix it up. I wondered if this would seem awkward, if seen from the perspective of someone who doesn't switch. This was the message of the bracelet, not to be totally enslaved when addressing submissiveness. I could work on making it more clear. Thanks for the thought.

Not to deviate from the thread, but I can't help imagining you as a firey cloven hooved beast in a jolly red suit giving out evil presents...I can hear parents telling their little ones "don't for get to leave Satan Klaus some whisky, or he might not remember you fondly this year."

Well, thanks for the feedback, much appreciated.

SP

[Aussiegirl1]

Wow, great story! I love how it built slowly but with purpose. I think the two parts worked well together, with Ana being the connecting character. I also love how you highlighted what is going to happen but still left me wondering if it would happen the way Ana wants it too.

I so want to know more about Tory and what happens to her. My mind is already creating lots of different scenes and outcomes for her!

Your story had a nice flow, with a good use of punctuation. There are some spelling errors, but not so many to spoil the flow of the story either. I have highlighted the errors below, as well as two sentences that need a bit of re-working.

Thanks for a great job and you can begin work on the next assignment as soon as you are ready.


Aussiegirl



Walking with Victoria on lower Decatur Street always turned into shopping. How could she resist the shoes, lingerie, the hip slutty clothes, the incense or the art? Ana understood that Tory needed things. She had the money. She earned it. Tory took Ana with her, whenever she would deign to come along.

Today they had wandered into the middle eastern shop with all the brightly dyed fabric, small drums and incense. Belly dancer clothes and other colorful fashions hung by the dozens. The shop keeper never stood as the girls browsed.

Ana was Tory’s only girl friend who was not a dancer.

She was nothing like the other girls. She rarely bought herself anything.

“Pretty blue, Tor. That’ll look great on you.”

It didn’t need saying, a sack would elevate to the status of evening wear on Tory. A gorgeous frame for any dress, her womanly curves showed no matter what she wore. She was the most beautiful girl Ana had ever met. Her long lush chestnut hair hanging down her back stopped just above her nice round ass which led to her long firm legs. Her skirts were mostly see through, her panties non existent, her jeans too tight, and her necklines always low. She embodied seduction. It was mainly in voice and gestures, her lips fit the job, red and rich as wet oil paint. She was tall; always reminding Ana of a tragically sexy Wonder Woman. Men’s hearts skipped beats in unison when she sauntered down the crowded street.

It was in spite of this that Ana became Tory’s friend.

Ana did not mind paying Tor compliments. She understood Victoria had a curse.

She did not believe she was beautiful.

Ana fell in love with Tory’s writing. They met at a party. The introducing friend, an exstripper, mentioned they should talk about writing. Eager for a female audience, Victoria called her and they made plans.

Reading outloud to each other the next week, the girls took turns. Startled at the similarity of metaphor, the excessive use of water in their novels, the strange commonality in their writings they had both been brought to tears. They had become fast friends and it stuck.

Their stories were too similar; they had little choice.

It had been more than a year since they met, almost as long as Ana had been with Andrew. Victoria admired their relationship; she had been through so many men in that time.

Ana understood Victoria. She remembered her days before she met a guy that felt right.

“Should I buy it?”

“Try it on, see if you like it.” Ana spoke, gently encouraging Tory.

Ana’s opinion mattered so much to her. Her eyes were brown pools pleading for acceptance. The wrong tone or word would have cut her tender heart. Tory hid nothing from her. Ana kept her secrets.

Her instructions always felt like little invisible gifts and Tory was eager to open them and follow her direction. She loved Ana's self control, her calm demeanor and self confidence.

Ana did not usually like to give orders. She did like that Tory enjoyed it so much. It inspired her feel stern in her love for the doll like woman. Tory wasn't just a doll; she was an action figure.

Tory walked the skirt out of the dressing room with a big smile on her face. Of course, she looked great, even with her dress pulled up to show off the skirt, long legs nearly showing to their tops and almost more.

“Get it!” Ana barked it, a command. It was just the right shade of see through.

Tory swished off to change back to the plain white summer dress she had come in.

Distracted by the many handed, bare chested Hindu figures on a shelf in the corner of the shop, Ana wandered. She did not notice Tory asking to try on the bracelet.

“Ana, help me!” Tory’s voice was an octave too high.

Mildly alarmed, Ana walked over to her as Tory twisted the thick metal band on her arm. She was frowning at her self in the mirror near the counter and the shop keeper. He was sitting again, arms folded in his lap; the picture of patience.

“It won’t fit right, feel’s like it will break if I squeeze it, “ the distress in her voice did not match her predicament. Ana’s first impulse was to laugh; she could tell Tory was serious. She was near tears.

“Here, let me. Maybe you can’t squeeze this one.” Ana touched the bracelet on Tory’s arm and had a flash of a harem girl, a slave.

“It doesn’t fit, take it off.” her voice was strict but soft. “Give it back, don’t buy that.”

“You’re right.” she had regained all of her shy, queenly composure when the trinket was removed. Ana was relieved.

Leaving the shop Ana explained her reaction to the jewelry. “Victoria, that bracelet was for a slave girl. I saw it. You were just looking to blow money. You didn’t need that.” Ana took her hand.

“You’re right. It was pretty though. Oh, stockings, they have stockings across the street, “ Ana knew the store, they did have good stockings. They stopped on the corner. Tory looked at Ana and asked her childlike, in a serious tone, “Am I allowed to buy stockings?”

It was the way she said Am I allowed, Ana could tell she wanted her to tell her what to do. It made Ana tingly. She had a pleading in her voice that said she would have done anything she was told.

Ana played along. “Do you need them? For work? You should then,”

“Yes, I need some, maybe on the way back.”

“Your party.”




Later that night Ana asked Andrew “Do you like Tory?”

Andrew put his book down and looked her in the eye for that one. Victoria was a bit of a mess. A stripper, but not like most, she was smart and blunt with her sexuality. She was moody, unpredictable. He had no direct reason to dislike her. He did like her, she was a good friend. Ana always asked questions for a reason.

“Like her how, Ana?”

‘”Like her as a person, Andrew. Do you like her?”

“Yes, I like her as a person.”

“Good, because she needs me. She needs more than just me.” Ana felt her face flush and give her away. She wanted to sleep with Tory, but not if she was out bedding random guys, as she was want to do. Tory loved cock, she liked girls too. Ana wanted to share Andrew with her. She had an urge to tame her.

Andrew saw her discomfort. “Ana, just spit it out.”

She took a deep breath. “Tory is my best girl friend. She has her problems. Most of it comes from not getting enough attention. She thrives on it,” Ana hoped Andrew had a clue where she was going. “I think it would be nice if we paid more attention to her.”

Andrew’s mind was trying to place himself between these two women, his imagination was simmering and she added spice by smiling at his silence. In a quiet steady voice Ana laid out the details of her idea.

Ana was rarely bisexual. She had dabbled with women and did not get much arousal from it. Once in a rare while, a woman would catch her mind. Ana was magnetized to Victoria in that special way. She wanted to please her and she knew Tory liked women and men. Thinking Tory might say yes, Ana wanted to ask Andrew first.

“You are my primary love, Andrew,” she looked him in the eyes, “it is not because I am tired of you, whatever you decide goes.”

She bowed her head to him, signaling to him as she was taught, for inner peace.

He smiled at her fist in her flat hand, long hair covering her lowered face. She was his fantasy. Pushing his ideas and limits, she dove deeper into his heart every day. Candid and to the point with her requests, she led his mind to places he had always wanted to go. Now she wanted to share a woman with him. His mind was caressing the idea as his hand went to her soft hair. He gently touched the woman he loved.

“Tell me what you want to do with her.”

She loved it when he took that tone, the voice inspired her to climb into his lap, he held her close. She held him and played with his greying hair as she whispered hotly into his ear.

“One night the three of us will have a nice dinner and a couple of drinks together. She will flirt with me and I will encourage it. I expect you would be your usual, quiet, occasionally witty, stoic self Andrew.” She kissed his ear gently. He shivered.

“Let me do the work of seducing her. She will invite us to her place. I will hold her hand the way she likes me to, as we walk, you will walk behind us, watching over us as we whisper to each other. Men will see us together with you following and wish they were you.”

Andrew had his hand down Ana’s blouse, he had reached into her bra to play with her nipple. Pinching the little bud, his cock grew hard. She breathed a little faster as she spoke. His fingers moved on her nipples, pinching her roughly as she voiced her fantasy.

“When we arrive at her door and enter the alleyway that leads to her place, the one with no light, you will walk ahead a little in the dark and I will stop her by pulling her arm a bit, she will stop and mouth silently, what? and I will whisper to her that I want her.I will touch my friend. I will tell her I am willing to safely share my beautiful man with her. I will tell her you and I talked and we are both willing. I will read her breathing and if she is very excited by this, I will push her against the damp brick wall in the dark with you watching I will kiss her.”

He pinched her hard. Her nipples ached for his lips. She was trying not to squirm as she kept breathing her vision into his ear.

“I will grab her tightly by the wrists. If she is moaning with pleasure, I will shush her and tell her, Victoria, if you are good, I will let you try my man’s cock. You will have to do everything we say. First you will strip and I will inspect you. You will lie, spread on your bed; I will make you want to come with my mouth, I will lick you, suck your clit until you are begging. I ‘ll only let him fuck you safely and he will never come inside you. He will always wear a condom for you. I will make sure it stays on. We all know how fertile you are. Even with birthcontrol. I will make you have the best orgasm while he fucks your wet snatch. He won't come in you; he takes forever to come. I will let you watch him fuck me. He respects my choice to have you. He knows I love you. I will ask him to fuck you if you need cock Victoria. If you want him. We are a package deal."

Andrew kissed Ana. Secretly, he was afraid he would be too shy for all she wanted. His cock twitched; he knew it was not true.

[Mad Lews]

Nice story Beswithchin,
I'll have to agree with most that you did an excellent job. You've acquainted us with two very believable, three dimensional personalities had them interact in a natural way and orchestrated a future adventure with the third character you introduced.

More impressively you did it in 2,000 words or less. Great job!

Now to quibble. I think you need to remember guys are easily confused when most of their blood supply is, well, far from their brain. While it may seem obvious to you that Tory or Tori are short for Victoria, Lews was counting on his fingers and hoping for at least a threesome. (yeah he got his wish but that came later and some other guy got involved.) To help out those slow on the uptake you could use her Christian name early on followed by her nickname in the next sentence. If done well it would seem like the natural flow of story telling and it's simple enough that even Lews would know you were talking about the same person.

Other than that we have seven misspellings and two awkward sentence (no split infinitives or dangling modifiers thank god) Hope would be sore (51?) but you don't have to worry about that until you get past Ruby.

Again A great read and well paced.

Mad Lews

[tessa]

“Tell me what you want to do with her.”

She loved it when he took that tone, the voice inspired her to climb into his lap, he held her close.

I loved that part. Made me whimper with want.

The whole story filled my mind with such delicious images.

tessa

[Beswitchingly Positive]

Nice story Beswithchin,
I'll have to agree with most that you did an excellent job. You've acquainted us with two very believable, three dimensional personalities had them interact in a natural way and orchestrated a future adventure with the third character you introduced.

More impressively you did it in 2,000 words or less. Great job!

Now to quibble. I think you need to remember guys are easily confused when most of their blood supply is, well, far from their brain. While it may seem obvious to you that Tory or Tori are short for Victoria, Lews was counting on his fingers and hoping for at least a threesome. (yeah he got his wish but that came later and some other guy got involved.) To help out those slow on the uptake you could use her Christian name early on followed by her nickname in the next sentence. If done well it would seem like the natural flow of story telling and it's simple enough that even Lews would know you were talking about the same person.

Other than that we have seven misspellings and two awkward sentence (no split infinitives or dangling modifiers thank god) Hope would be sore (51?) but you don't have to worry about that until you get past Ruby.

Again A great read and well paced.

Mad Lews

My, what a nice bunch of things to say. I thought i established the Victoria/Tori thing just the way you said to in the beginning. Oh, maybe you werent interested in her yet. She needs a good first line, it needs a hook. I will try to wake that character up and get her to say something exciting. My most believeable characters are quite real to me. Victoria is one of the naughtiest.

Wait till you get a load of Chloe.

Sorry about your blood flow, did not mean to confuse.

I am not sure I understand your math Mad, however I do love the dictionary and will endevour to eliminate any future misspellings. As far as my awkwardness...I will try to overcome this natural tendency. Unless you refuse me the right to proofread and edit. Then I am screwed.

That is, provided I get past Ruby. Provided I get past Aussiegirl.

Thanks Mad, Lews. Hmmm, at least you did like the threesome idea.

[Beswitchingly Positive]

I loved that part. Made me whimper with want.

The whole story filled my mind with such delicious images.

tessa

I think you and I have a similar taste for romance. Well, I fluctuate, but Ana is definately a romantic, and the dirty talk thing is one of her favorite past times. Thank you for the kind words. Do you have any pieces that address a less romantic, darker side? I am attempting this in my next assignment and it is kind of fun. I would love to read yours if you have done it.

"whipmer with want," you have a gift for saying a lot with few words.

[Satan_Klaus]

Hey, SK, Thanks,
Not to deviate from the thread, but I can't help imagining you as a firey cloven hooved beast in a jolly red suit giving out evil presents...I can hear parents telling their little ones "don't for get to leave Satan Klaus some whisky, or he might not remember you fondly this year."
SP

Hohoho who has been naughty this year? *rips open a rift in reality to roaring hellfire*

(And I really DO like milk and cookies. I might even leave a slave under the tree, tied tightly and nicely wrapped.)

[H Dean]

Just saw this - I will try to get to it soon.

[Beswitchingly Positive]

Just saw this - I will try to get to it soon.

Welcome back to you!

I can't wait, got the next one brewing should be done in a day or so and it is not pretty...

Beswitchin