If you ask real politely you might get a spanking with your plague,
I'm sure we could find an administrator willing to volunteer for such duties.
Then again if you're heading the other way perhaps we could send you a subbie holding a nice riding crop between her(/his) teeth. (more volunteers needed)
OF course all the former winners would be green with envy but I'm sure you could handle that. So best get writing while you wait for an official response to your query.

Yours
Truly, Mad
Lews