Punishment Vs. Play

[Warbaby1943]

mari,

I got asked something very similar the other day...do I misbehave on purpose to get punished? It's a whole 'nother can of worms, isn't it? I'd say I don't do it consciously...but like you said, there are times when I want something, and for some reason instead of doing the logical thing (asking for it), my brain short-circuits and I end up pushing a button that I know will get a response I don't like. I suppose some part of my brain finds "negative" attention better than no attention at all. I know I need to work on it (in a big way!)--but sometimes having it pointed out to me (when I'm being difficult/disobedient) is enough. I *really* don't want to disappoint him, even though I'm sure it must seem like it, sometimes.

Now I wonder if it would really be disappointing or maybe just looked at as another aspect of a relationship. There is no way in hell two people can see eye to eye 100% of the time. Though I may not like something or disagree with it completely I still don't see myself being disappointed in her behavior if it is truly in her nature to act in a manner consistent with how she is feeling at the time.

Maybe I'm just too easy going but that is how I feel. This is not in the least to say that if and when she needs punished she won't get it because she will and already knows what to expect as punishment. Still I don't think she would disappoint me at all. I don't know about others but I actually try to get AG to screw up so I can have reason to punish her. So far that hasn't happened. Maybe that is why I see no disappointment on my part. I know she would be disappointed in herself for what she perceives as failure but I really don't see myself being disappointed in her at all.

[tessa]

Devil and I had a discussion with Red and Voodoo Man about this very thing the other night at dinner. Red and I both said that the intent on behalf of the Dom regarding the act of discipline is what determined whether we considered it play or punishment. A little swat on the ass after saying something a bit bratty is enjoyable, call that play for us. A little swat on the ass after saying something a bit bratty coupled with a serious frown from our Dom is not enjoyable at all, that's punishment. Just the idea of thinking we caused disappointment was bad enough for us to consider it punishment. (Although Red does seem to seek additional reinforcement at times.)

but i don't know, there's an emotional release, I suppose, of being brought back into my boundaries

I think you nailed it right there...boundaries. We like them, like knowing they are there and that our Dom will reign us back in when necessary...that we can't get away with all the brattiness, and if we try, our Dom will call us on it. That's the enjoyable part, the part that makes us feel safe and protected. Would that be accurate to say?

Just a few thoughts.

tessa

[Flaming_Redhead]

Devil and I had a discussion with Red and Voodoo Man about this very thing the other night at dinner. Red and I both said that the intent on behalf of the Dom regarding the act of discipline is what determined whether we considered it play or punishment. A little swat on the ass after saying something a bit bratty is enjoyable, call that play for us. A little swat on the ass after saying something a bit bratty coupled with a serious frown from our Dom is not enjoyable at all, that's punishment. Just the idea of thinking we caused disappointment was bad enough for us to consider it punishment. (Although Red does seem to seek additional reinforcement at times.) I think you nailed it right there...boundaries. We like them, like knowing they are there and that our Dom will reign us back in when necessary...that we can't get away with all the brattiness, and if we try, our Dom will call us on it. That's the enjoyable part, the part that makes us feel safe and protected. Would that be accurate to say?

Just a few thoughts.

tessa

I concur with your assessment, Tessa. My brattiness is nothing more than attention-seeking behavior. If I get VoodooMan to swat my ass, I giggle. If he swats my ass and gives me "the look," my insides feel as if they're shattering into a million tiny pieces. It's never a harsh word that I want, really. There are a myriad of reasons why I might "misbehave." The first and most obvious is to push buttons just to see what will happen. Once I know what happens, I'm satisfied. I now know when he's serious and when he's not. I then try not to antagonize him (too much). However, if I've been a good girl for a bit too long and get bored....walking the line and doing just fine....I begin to crave that feeling I get when he goes all domly on me. *ggls* As I've stated in another thread, I'm a fear junkie. I need that rush of adrenaline that comes when he has me trapped...nowhere to run...when denial of being bratty is called out as a deliberate lie and my face goes a whiter shade of pale...when he sees my fear and gives that evil little grin which tells me that he knows that I know that he knows....when I hesitate to do what he's told me to do because I know it's not going to be very pleasant and then hear "the Dom voice" telling me to do it NOW...when I'm begging him for mercy though I know I should have none...and when he follows through on his threat instead of letting me go...OMFG!!!! I just need that sometimes. It's very reassuring in that it tells me he cares what I do, pays attention to what I do and means what he says. Punishment, for me, (except the "I'm disappointed in you" speech) is positive reinforcement. I once laughed my ass off after a punishment (in my car, all by myself) from the sheer joy that came from knowing that VoodooMan is not one to use idle threats. It's such an incredible relief to be with someone who means what he says! *smiles angelically and scampers off to think of fun things to do to VoodooMan while she's sick*