Quote Originally Posted by chksng19
My wife and I share a similar story. (Is there a book out there on how to be an abuser?) Her father was a minister, mother a school teacher. Pillars of the community, small town on the Great Plains. Mother gave her broken toes and fingers, broken ribs, bruises, etc. as part of her discipline. Father knew of this and did nothing. Much more to the story, but suffice it to say, this was a major part of childhood. Her first marriage, of course, started out with a two-year honeymoon period, then 10 years of every abuse possible. She finally got up the courage to kick him out. We met in an abused-spouse help group, and it's been 17 years now. Finally, last 13 or so years she allowed 100% of her desires to be known. She, too, wanted a strong male to dominate her.

The abuse is hard as a memory. I can't tell you how many hours I spent just holding her as she cried. But the D/s life has allowed her to blossom, not just sexually but in every phase of her life. She is more assertive, more loving, a better parent, and happy.

Burying those memories will take time, and help. You are fortunate indeed to have found a good man, a solid relationship. Sending good thoughts your way to help you on your long road.

chksng
I symapthize with your wife. My mother never broke anything, but the sleep deprivation and humiliation did a lot of damage to my emotional and mental state, and that's harder to fix than broken bones, and I imagine it was worse for her, having to deal with physical damage at the same time.She was lucky to have found you, who understands, loves, and cares about her enough to hold her when she cries and give her the care, both as a husband and as a Master. I wish the BDSM aspect were part of my husband's and my relationship, but I won't force him to do anything he doesn't really want to do, and I love him too much to go and find someone else.
My regards to you both, and I wish her and you luck on your journey together too!