Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I'm reworking the story as we speak.

H_Dean criticized my use of narrative perspective and I'm unsure what to do. What I tried to use was a form of third person narrator. I think its called 'limited third person' in English. A third person Narrator who actually is the main character or is looking over his shoulders. He sees what the protagonist sees and so forth. And his comments are not objective but rather the thoughts, feelings or sometimes subconscious doubts of the protagonist. I'm not sure if this is acceptable and if it is how to do it better.

Satan_Klaus

PS: Tessa, if you go in there you might find out what forced labor is all about.