Yes the style of speech could be improved. I really wanted to do this, contrast the englishman with the rough detective. However this is very difficult for me to do and I may be in over my head. Writing proper English is hard enough already, the nuances are killing me. I will work on this for the next version of the story.

H-Dean said that the perspective was "third person omniscent" while I tried to do "thrid person limited" (hope this is the right expression). Before dealing with the finer points, I have to be certain of the narrative style.

Satan_Klaus